Such a Strange Thing Life Is
by AwkwardVulpix
Summary: Berkeley Larch and his friends return on a new adventure, searching for a powerful Legendary Pokemon in the Kalos region in the interests of science and/or money. But many forces will act against them as they try to do so. Who will succeed in their goals? Read to find out!
1. Prologue

Author's note: Hello, and welcome to the first chapter of my new story! First of all, I would like to note that the ending of A Reminiscence has been modified slightly to fit this story, so you should go check that out first, and probably get the full story anyway. Other than that, please read and enjoy!

Such a Strange Thing Life Is

Prologue

Beginning Anew

()()()

To any outside observers, the recently-bought Larch Estate seemed to be the perfect image of affluence and beauty; the grounds were perfectly maintained by an expert team of gardeners, the windows all shone in the early morning sun like the water of the still ocean, the Lugia fountain outside was an ideal example of the craft of statue fountains, and so on. However, anybody who was to look inside would sooner believe that the estate was owned by an escaped mental patient, or perhaps a wild pack of rabid Mightyena. It was in a state of utter disarray, loose papers and books all over the place with rhyme and reason both known solely to the owner and no other living person. Whiteboards were scattered throughout the place, covered in strange diagrams that seemed more at home in an arcane religious ritual than any sort of scientific endeavor. Of course, all this disarray and discord was the work of the incomparable Professor Berkeley Larch, an incredible genius who, in the face of mockery, derision, and disbelief, devised an incredible device that would allow humans and Pokémon to finally communicate between each other, which most had believed mere fantasy. However, he did not believe so, and proved it in front of the entire world at a presentation in Unova, after a remarkable adventure wherein he had made several very good friends in the midst of insanity and violence, much of it caused by him somehow.

Of course, that whole business was fairly well known, for better or worse in some cases, and he had just recently completed the first draft of a book telling the truth of the affair in lieu of two catastrophically inaccurate (and frankly awful) Hollywood retellings that, among other crimes against truth, killed Jack LeBoure, former rival and now close friend to Berkeley Larch fairly early on in the first film (which he was still furious about), and invented completely new plots wholesale that served little purpose and were utter nonsense anyway. None of the group involved were very pleased with the presentation, but they had been compensated fairly and were now living quite comfortably.

In yet another odd twist of fate, Jack had shown up almost immediately after Larch began printing his new masterpiece of truth and reason, proposing that they visit the recently-opened Kalos region, in search of a powerful Legendary Pokémon named Xerneas, who was said to rule over the idea of life itself. Such an event would be monumental, and they both felt very confident as the two men walked out to Jack's car.

"This is going to kick ass!" Jack cried as he fumbled for his keys among various expensive trinkets he had uselessly stuck on his keychain, eventually finding the appropriate one. "We'll be the first humans to have set eyes on this thing in centuries, probably!"

As he unlocked the car, careful not to harm any of it, Larch looked at him in bemusement. "You are acting like a child in a candy shop, Jack. This is quite unlike you."

"What do you mean?" Jack asked as he opened the door.

"I mean, usually you are much more subdued than this. Of course, the excitement of such a huge opportunity is probably a great factor in this abnormal behavior."

"Don't try to play psychologist on me, Larch," Jack derided as he turned the car on, the engine roaring to life with all eight of its custom-tooled cylinders. "Now, come on, get in. I don't want to waste any more time."

"I could not agree more," Larch said as he walked around and entered. When both of them were buckled in, Jack sped off, leaving a massive cloud of dirt in his wake as he hauled off to Anne's home.

()()()

Rather than a grandiose estate like Larch, or a fully-equipped modern home like Jack, Anne had chosen to open a business for herself doing what she always loved most: training Pokémon. Specifically, teaching other people whose Pokémon acted unruly how to keep them under control, a task with which she was quite familiar, having mostly trained large and violent Pokémon in her lifetime. The building she had had constructed to facilitate this was thus a very gentle-looking building, with no sharp edges or corners on the outside, but just a perfect two-leveled cylinder, and no bright color scheme, instead opting for a calming shade of blue. Numerous windows allowed for a view into the outside world, and also could provide lovely fresh air. There was, of course, a large field outside the building for especially large Pokémon that could not fit inside the main building.

Larch always thought that the amount of thought put into the construction was quite impressive, but he was not there to gawk at anything, and neither was Jack.

As the two men pulled up, Anne, who was busy inside with some paperwork, automatically recognized them, which would not have been hard at all, as Jack tended not to be very good at parking his expensive car, and nearly crashed it into a bush, prompting him to start swearing violently as he left the car.

"Shit!" he cried, shutting the door violently as he practically fell out. "This thing parks like ass!"

"Perhaps you could get driving lessons for once?" Larch suggested.

"I don't need driving lessons!" Jack insisted. "I need a car that can actually brake!"

"How about a driver that can actually brake?"

Jack stared at Larch with a hatred that could have withered a mighty oak. "Do you want to do this thing, or not?"

"Okay, okay, sorry," Larch said, smiling as Anne, who also seemed quite happy, came out of her building. Larch noticed she was wearing a translator, and a very old model at that.

"Anne, is that the translator I first gave you?" Larch asked, already suspecting as much.

"What? Oh, yeah, totally. Those things are crazy expensive, you know."

"Anne, you are effectively set for life. What could you possibly not afford?"

Anne considered this for a moment, but brushed it off. "Anyway, what are you guys doing here? Your Pokémon are perfectly behaved."

"We're not here for anything like that," Jack explained. "We're going on a bit of a hunt."

"A hunt?" Anne asked, concerned. "You're not going to kill anything, are you?"

"What?" Larch asked, surprised at the implication. "Of course not! Rather, we are searching for something."

"And what would that be, exactly?"

"Simple, we are looking for…" Larch paused, attempting to recall what it was that Jack had proposed the search about. "Er, well, perhaps Jack had better explain it, it was his idea, after all."

"You mean you forgot," Jack corrected.

"No! I simply mean to say that you could probably explain it better than I could."

"So you forgot."

"Just show her the damn Pokémon, would you?!" Larch cried.

"All right, all right." Jack reached inside his coat and pulled out the documents relating to Xerneas. "But you totally forgot, didn't you?"

"I am beginning to question how much I want to do with this, Jack," Larch said, crossing his arms.

Jack frowned. "Psh, can't you have any fun at all? Anyway, here's what we're after." He gave Anne the pictures, and her eyes widened as she observed the image of Xerneas.

"What the hell is this thing?" she demanded, looking it over. "Why are we going after this thing?"

"That, Anne, is Xerneas," Jack said. "Kalos recently opened up, and that thing is one of the major Legendary Pokémon there. They say it's responsible for presiding over the concept of life itself."

Anne looked up from the image, somewhat suspicious now. "Okay, why are you convinced that capturing this thing is a good idea if it controls life itself? What if confining it just kills everything? I am not going to wipe out everything alive just to get a Pokémon!"

"Now, come on, there's no proof that something like that would happen," Jack pointed out, but Anne remained unconvinced.

"I don't…this is an awful idea! Why not try to capture Arceus while you're at it and own God himself?"

"Actually, I did consider that, but I thought that this would be easier."

"Have you both gone insane?" Anne demanded.

"Well, actually, I was not aware of what Xerneas presided over," Larch said, looking to Jack. "This is very interesting data, indeed. How can you be so sure that Xerneas' capture will have no consequences whatsoever?"

Jack thought for a moment, realizing that they had a fair point. "Okay, okay, we can just try to get a good look at it or something. Maybe we can get some footage and sell it to a news station or something."

"There, that is a much better plan!" Larch congratulated, before he turned to Anne once more. "Well, how about that?"

Anne considered it, and relented to the improved plan. "Uh...I can have the assistant trainer cover for me if I do...yeah, that'll work out, I'll go. But if all life ends because of this, I'm blaming you."

"Oh, great, that's fair," Jack drawled. "Come on, let's go get Ralph."

"Where does he live, again?" Anne asked.

"In that lame boring house on Decker Avenue," Jack said. "Seriously, why couldn't he have gotten something cool like me?"

"Remind me again of what you have that is so much cooler than he?" Larch asked.

"Well, I have a modern house, a big flatscreen television, all sorts of fancy computer stuff…" He would have continued his list by quite an amount if Larch did not thankfully stop him there.

"Thank you, that will be more than enough," Larch said. "At least Ralph lives well under his means, and thus has money to spare in the event of a great calamity."

"Yeah, but it's so boring!" Jack cried. "He could have everything, but instead he chose middle-class garbage!"

"And what's wrong with middle-class, exactly?" Anne asked, annoyed. "Remember, we were all middle-class before we started kicking ass and getting a bunch of royalty checks."

"And it sucked!" Jack countered. "Look, I don't know why he's living a life of bland, and honestly, I don't care—"

"Then what was that whole tirade about how stupid he is?" Larch asked.

"That was me not caring," Jack explained. "Can we just go get him in my awesome not-middle-class car?"

"If you promise to stop blabbering endlessly about things you have no interest in, gladly," Larch as he climbed back into the passenger seat. "Wait a minute, where is Slick? Surely we do not intend to leave him behind."

"He went into town to pick up some training stuff," Anne explained. "We could probably swing by and pick him up after Ralph. I'm sure he'd love to hear Jack yelling about how cool he is."

Jack seethed for a moment, but entered anyway, as did Anne. With all of them in the car, they took off in silence, save for the roar of the engine.

()()()

Despite their earlier argument, Larch did have to admit that Ralph's house was tremendously boring. Located in the middle of one of those odd suburbs where every house looks exactly the same, his still managed to appear utterly uninteresting in comparison with the rest of them. The only sign that someone of significant wealth lived there was the Vincentio Horizon parked in the driveway, a sight which looked very odd.

Thankfully for all of them, they didn't start up another argument; instead, Jack and Larch politely exited the car and walked up to the front door, careful to avoid the grass that had been trimmed to exactly two and a half inches.

Standing in front of the door, the two men shared a glance before Jack knocked, prompting Ralph to call out a half-hearted "Hold on!" as he (loudly) wrapped up whatever he was in the middle of when he was interrupted. They waited for a few moments and Ralph opened the door, standing before them in a hideous plaid robe. "Oh, hey guys. What are you doing here?"

"I think the better question is 'what the hell are you wearing?'" Larch noted. "This is the most hideous thing I have ever seen!"

"Well, I like it," Ralph said, revealing nothing more. They stood in awkward silence for a moment before Jack took out his papers and handed them to Ralph, who looked over them, confused. "What the hell is this?"

"That is Xerneas," Jack explained. "The Kalos-native overseer of life itself, and we are going to captu—I mean, look for it and record it. You know, for science."

"Why?" Ralph asked.

"For science, weren't you listening?"

"That isn't really a reason."

"Our intention is to perform a scientific survey, record it, and then sell the footage to a news station and publish the results," Larch said. "Of course, our original purpose was to capture it outright, but as Anne noted, that is a terrible idea."

"I only wanted to capture it!" Jack yelled indignantly. "Why is everybody getting on my ass about this?"

"Because keeping the God of Life in a little ball is a bad idea," Ralph said. "You really didn't think of that?"

Jack seethed, but realized that he was on the losing side of the argument and decided to accept that, opting instead to ask the question. "Do you want to come with us or not?"

"Well, if you promise not to try and capture the thing, I'm in. Getting restless, you know?"

"I can imagine," Larch said, turning around to get a panoramic view of the countless identical houses around him. "It must get boring, looking at the same thing day after day."

"It's orderly," Ralph said, "and everything is in check. I like it."

"But it's awful!" Jack said. "You have tons of money! You could live in the lap of luxury, like me! You could have a giant flatscreen television, like me!"

"You could be annoying, like me!" Larch interjected, in a rather crude parody of Jack's voice.

"Shut up! Anyway, what's with this crappy mediocrity you've settled in to?"

"Living in a mansion would just make me a target," Ralph said. "I don't want to be a target."

"Uh…sure," Jack said, now disturbed. "Let's…let's just go to the car."

"Yes, please," Larch said, and Ralph followed them as they walked back. However, as they stepped onto the sidewalk, a younger man with greasy black hair and glasses nearly bumped into them, profusely apologizing afterwards.

"Crap!" he said, "I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking at where I was going."

"No reason to apologize," Larch said. "You have done no harm, after all."

"I really should have been watching, though," the other man said. "Is that your car?"

"Mine, actually," Jack said. "Isn't she a beauty?"

"It certainly is," the man noted. "Who's that?"

The other three turned and saw that Anne had gotten out, evidently surprised to see the man, and somewhat suspicious as well. "I'm Anne," she answered. "Who are you?"

"You mean you don't recognize me?" the man asked, legitimately surprised that they didn't.

"Um, no," Larch said. "I daresay I have never seen you before."

"Wait a second…" Ralph said, pushing past him and walking up to the man. "You do look kind of familiar, now that I think about it…"

"About time!" the man said, removing his glasses and adopting a very particular accent indeed. "I thought you would never recognize the sheer illustriousness of Wolfgang Von Genocide!"

"Oh, absolutely not," Anne said, rubbing her face as if she had just woken up. "Please tell me you're not going to try this stupid crap again?"

"But of course, m'lady! After all, I would be remiss to give up so soon after failing!"

"You are you supposed to be in prison!" Larch cried. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I escaped, of course," Wolfgang said simply. "Is it really that hard to comprehend? Did you go soft in the last few years? After that awful movie that came out, I would not be surprised if you simply gave up."

"How did you get a chance to see that thing?" Jack demanded.

"Perhaps they used the films as punishment for unbecoming conduct," Larch suggested.

"As much as you might think so, that was not quite the case," said Wolfgang.

"They would probably count that as a human rights abuse, yes," Larch said.

Wolfgang chuckled. "In reality, I escaped not long after they put me in there. For a high-security prison, the security was hardly high at all. Anyway, you are searching for Xerneas, yes?"

"Hey, how the hell did you know that?" Jack demanded. "Have you been stalking me? You haven't watched me shower or anything, have you?"

"Why would I ever want to observe something so vile?" Wolfgang asked, disgusted. "No, I simply overheard you while you were researching in the library. I suppose history does repeat itself, doesn't it?"

"Please do not remind me of that calamity," Larch chided. "What, exactly, do you intend to do with this information?"

"I intend to capture Xerneas myself and use it to defeat you once and for all," Wolfgang said. "I doubt any of you could possibly stand up to the ruler of life itself?" He would have continued his taunts, but he noticed that Ralph was doing something odd, and he grew annoyed. "You, the tall one! What the hell are you doing?"

"I just sent a message to the police, guys," Ralph said, holding up his cell phone that displayed some unreadable text message. "They're on their way right now."

"What?" Wolfgang asked, deflating. "No fair! I didn't even get to tell you my plan yet!"

"What are you going to do, cry about it?" Jack said, mockingly rubbing his eyes. "Maybe you're the one who went soft!"

"S-shut u—I mean, silence!" Wolfgang yelled, stamping his foot down firmly. "I will not be mocked by a collection of fools such as you!"

"If we are, indeed, fools, then why did you bother showing up here in the first place?" Larch asked.

Wolfgang steamed, but said nothing as a police siren wailed loudly, getting even louder as it approached them. As it got into sight, Larch noticed that a rather portly man was chasing after it at a surprisingly good speed.

"Who on earth is that?" Larch wondered, trying to look closer. However, doing so was not necessary, as the car, and of course the man, was beside them soon enough, and Ralph recognized him readily.

"That's Mr. Ruthers, the subdivision manager!" Ralph said. "What are you doing?"

"I'm chasing after Lieutenant Noise Violation here!" Ruthers huffed out, pointing at the cop who exited the car.

"Actually, it's Lieutenant Daniels," he corrected. "Is this the guy?"

"Indeed I am!" Wolfgang cried. "But I will have you know, I will not be arrested without first taking some amount of my revenge!"

"Who is this guy?" Ruther asked. "Could you please get rid of him before somebody gets annoyed?"

"I immediately side with him," Larch said.

"All right, pal, you're coming with me," Daniels said, but as he walked up to Wolfgang, the supposed villain leapt over Ralph's fence, ran through the yard, and made his escape.

"No wonder he broke out of prison," Jack noted. "What the hell was that?"

"Uh…" Daniels quickly pulled out his walkie-talkie and started shouting into it. "I have a runner at 616 Decker Avenue from that report earlier, he is high-priority, please respond immediately…"

"Damn it, I almost forgot why I hated this guy…" Ralph muttered. "Hold on a second."

To everybody's surprise, Ralph took off, quickly catching up to Wolfgang, intent on capturing the new quarry.

"What the hell is he doing?" Jack asked.

"This is completely against the law!" Ruthers cried. "The constitution explicitly states that none of the citizens are to take matters of the law into their own hands!"

"He is a member of Special Command," Larch explained, "and as far as I know, he still retains that power, so he has full jurisdiction to apprehend this man."

"Oh, excellent, the government abusing its power! Just what I always wanted!"

"That man is a wanted criminal! You would just let him escape and wreak whatever nonsensical havoc he wants?"

"If it means the government doesn't start sticking it's nose into my business, yes!"

"You idiot!" Larch yelled, but he soon turned around as they heard another shout, this one far more positive: "I got him!"

"Wow, Ralph got him already?" Jack asked. "That's not bad."

"Release me at once, you fool!" came the muffled shout of Wolfgang. "Do you not realize who you are apprehending?"

"Shut up!" Ralph cried, as he dragged the villain out from behind his house, keeping him trapped in a headlock. "I'm sick of you."

"You mean right now, or overall?" Larch asked.

"Both," Ralph explained, pushing Wolfgang to the cop as a full backup unit pulled up behind.

"What is this, now?" Ruthers demanded. "You're disturbing my subdivision's peace! I should sue!"

"Will you shut up about the goddamn subdivision?" Daniels asked as several policemen ran towards Wolfgang and subdued him as he glared upwards.

"Very well, I shall not reveal my exact plan," he said as he was dragged off, "but I will find you, and I will capture Xerneas! You will see!"

"I shall make sure not to look forward to it!" Larch cried as the police drove off, as did Daniels, leaving only the group and a very annoyed Ruthers.

"This is obscene! I should terminate your contract right now!"

"He has done nothing!" Larch countered. "You should be thanking him for helping to remove that idiot from your jurisdiction!"

"Thank him?!" Ruthers yelled. "Why would I do that?!"

"Do you really want to go into litigation with me?" Ralph asked, glaring strongly as he did so.

Ruthers paused, considering this, and deflated. "All right, all right, but I don't want this to happen again!"

"Hey, guys!" Slick yelled, suddenly appearing (in his most common costume, a monocle and a lovely bowler hat) behind Ruthers, who gained a look somewhere between "just had a heart attack" and "just got stabbed in the spleen". "Who's you're friend?"

"Christ!" yelled Ruthers, as he ran away. "You're all insane! Forget it, I don't want to!"

"What's his problem?" Slick asked, adjusting his monocle. "And again, who was that, even?"

"That was the manager of this area," Ralph explained. "He seemed a little annoyed with me, but we worked it out."

"How did you know we were here, Slick?" Larch asked.

"Well, I could sense that Anne left the school with the rest of you, and then I noticed all the crazy shit going on here just a little while ago, and I thought I'd drop in, but by the time I got close enough to teleport, they had all left."

"So you decided to nearly give that man a heart attack?"

"What was I supposed to do, make him a cake?"

"No more diversions!" Jack yelled, drawing everybody's confused stare. "Look, Slick, we're going to Kalos to try and get a glimpse of Xerneas."

"Xerneas, Xerneas…" Slick thought for a moment, before his face lit up in recognition. "Oh, yeah, that thing! Oh, man this is gonna be cool! How do we get there?"

Jack stared, before realizing the slight problem. "Uh…how _do_ we get there?"

"Is the SS Anne making any trips?" Larch asked.

"No it isn't, and even if it was, I doubt they would let us on again," Jack said.

"Blast. Wait, they are allowing air travel, right?"

"Only from Unova," Ralph added. "And even then, you'd have to go to Sinnoh."

"We can get there from land, though, surely?"

"It would take a while to do that," Slick noted, "but that probably is our best bet."

"Very well, then!" Larch commanded. "We shall get prepared and then set out!"

"We're gonna need a ton of crap for this, you realize?" Jack noted.

"Oh, but of course." Larch smiled as he considered the limitless possibilities. "After all, who knows what will happen?"

()()()

At that same time, several miles away, Wolfgang Von Genocide smiled as he was escorted back to prison, recognizing that the advent of his victory was nigh.

_Be very afraid, Larch, along with all your compatriots_, he thought. _My time will come soon, and when I control Xerneas, the world will be mine and you shall perish!_


	2. Collection

Such a Strange Thing Life Is

Chapter One

Collection

()()()

With Ruthers and Wolfgang taken care of, all that remained to do was collect items that would be useful on such a massive quest, so they might be prepared in the inevitable event that it went the same way as the last one they did. To accomplish this task, and hopefully not find themselves caught within a web of nonsensical intrigue, they headed for Lavender Town's rather small but varied commercial district to see what items they might be able to procure.

"Well, here we are," Larch said as they all stood dead center, Slick cleverly disguised as a completely unassuming man. "How shall we do this?"

"I say we split up," Slick suggested. "That way, we can cover more ground at once and get more stuff."

"What if we all try and get the same thing?" Anne wondered.

"Do you really think we'll think anything in the same way?" Slick countered. Anne realized that the possibility was unlikely, and thus said nothing more, giving Larch the floor.

"Very well, we shall split up and see what we can find!" he said, prompting the rest to run off and begin searching for things, leaving him behind to contemplate. "Now…what would be useful…" Upon realizing he had not actually thought of any useful items, he paused, and groaned as he recognized his mistake.

()()()

Anne immediately knew what she wanted to acquire; being a trainer, she naturally had an interest in perhaps capturing the Pokémon in the foreign area they were heading for, and she needed the items provided by the PokéMart to accomplish that task. Thus, she headed straight for the local one, which, though rather small compared to some of the multi-level monstrosities in the larger cities, was still fairly big, as Lavender Town was one of the first areas where the translator was introduced, and they got a large head start on selling them.

Anne had no need for one, however; in fact, she totally ignored the section selling them as she observed the other items; ropes, UltraBalls, and the enigmatic Master Ball, a strange device that Silph Co. claimed could perfectly capture any Pokémon on the first try, with no possibility of failure. Few believed this outlandish claim, and even fewer got to test it, since they were prohibitively expensive and not available in many places. In fact, the Lavender Town PokéMart had only one available for the sum of five thousand dollars, a fee Anne was not remotely willing to pay, considering UltraBalls were going for a mere fifteen dollars each.

"Okay, I'll want a bunch of these," she said to herself, pulling several off the shelf and putting them in her bag, "a couple of these," this time it was a collection of normal PokeBalls, "maybe this thing…" and finally, a Repel device, which could prevent unwanted Pokémon encounters when activated.

"Are you finding everything you need?" a store assistant, a male teenager, asked, practically teleporting in next to her. Anne jumped quite a bit, nearly losing the items she had collected, but she held her grip and turned to him, trying to put on her best smile. "Yes, I'm doing just fine, thank you for asking."

"Is there a problem?"

"Uh, no, you just…scared me, a little bit, is all. No biggie."

"Well, then, I'll leave you to your shopping!" the assistant was about to leave, but they both heard a distinctly British voice yammering rather aimlessly about things, and they turned to its source, seeing none other than Professor Berkeley Larch himself appear at the other end of the aisle, looking around at the things he could buy, before he caught sight of Anne and immediately grew sedate, before proceeding to grow quite annoyed.

"Damn it!" he yelled. "You had this idea, too?"

"Well…yes, I'm a trainer. What did you expect me to get, strawberries?"

"This was the only thing I could think of! Now what will I go look for?"

"We have a number of translators on offer, sir," the assistant offered, but Larch obviously had no interest in them.

"Translators? I invented those! I could make a hundred of those if I so chose! What possible use would I have for one?!"

"Well…I mean, they're still useful…"

"Oh, never mind, I will just go look for something else!" And with that business complete, he ran out, leaving a rather uncomfortable Anne and a confused assistant.

"Was that a friend of yours?" he asked.

"Well…kind of, yeah, in a way. It's strange."

()()()

Jack, in the meantime, had gone to a very different location. He recalled his frequent time spent at shooting ranges with rented weapons, a hobby allowed by his recently increased wealth, and decided that getting his own gun at last would be a fair idea. Standing just outside the very out-of-the-way location that he heard of from a friend of a friend, he reflected that if he weren't in such a hurry, he would never come to such a location, but as it stood, this would be his best bet.

Jack set that aside, and observed that nothing about the building would ever imply you could acquire guns there, or indeed, that anything was actually in it at all. Considering the sheer illegality of the business within, that was probably wise, since he was well-aware they sold full-auto assault rifles, which only law enforcement and the military were allowed to own. He had no interest in such a dangerous weapon, though; it would immediately attract attention, and a handgun could probably do just as well.

After removing his wallet and ensuring he had sufficient funds, he entered, and walked up to the counter, where a middle-aged, portly, balding man sat, absent-mindedly flipping through some sports magazine. Upon noticing Jack, he quickly set the magazine away, and looked him up and down, soon finding approval for…something, at least.

"Uh, hello?" Jack asked, not sure what to make of this fellow.

"What do you want?" the man asked in a gruff tone.

"I'm looking to purchase a handgun…" Jack began, soon interrupted by the portly man.

"I've got just what you need," he explained, slowly and carefully getting up from his seat and walking over to a large rack of various handguns, many of which could practically qualify as assault rifles in their own right.

"This is…quite the assortment," Jack noted, observing some of the smaller handguns and hoping that would be the recommendation.

Alas, it was not. The portly man instead chose to take down a colossal weapon nearly the size of his own head and held it out proudly. "Here's what you want. Desert Spearow, Mk. 1. .50 caliber, custom finish, and it can blow a guy's head off at 20 yards, easy."

Jack observed the cannon, and quickly decided he needed no such weapon, since snapping his own wrist upon firing it would not be worth any of the benefits it afforded him.

"Do you have anything more…reasonable?" Jack asked. "That's a bit much for me."

"Too rich for your blood, huh?" The portly man replaced the weapon, and promptly retrieved a revolver that could probably be used for anti-aircraft if it was mounted on wheels.

"What the hell is this thing?" Jack asked.

"Raging Tauros. .44 Magnum, nickel-plated finish, and it can do about the same thing as the Spearow."

"I'm not looking for a revolver, I need something that can protect me in a firefight."

The portly man grimaced, but relented and set the weapon down, then pushed past Jack to retrieve a much smaller weapon that looked far more reasonable. "4th Generation Clock 20, twelve round magazine. This particular model is chambered for .40. It's made of plastic and it's cheap, but it'll protect you."

"That's what I'm talking about," Jack said retrieving his wallet, a sight the other man was quite welcoming of.

"And that's what _I'm_ talking about. Where's your licensing?"

"Licensing? What do you need that for? Isn't this all off the market?"

"I wanna make sure you can shoot a gun before I give one to ya."

"Uh, let me see…" Jack quickly rifled through his wallet, eventually pulling out several documents. "License to own and operate, concealed carry, ID…"

The portly man took these and looked them over, carefully observing them and eventually deciding that they were legitimate.

"Looks good. Do you have cash?"

"Yes, I do!" Jack said, pulling out a vague wad of cash. "How much is that, again?"

"That'll be four hundred dollars. I'll just ring that up later." The man took the money and selected a few of the hundred-dollar bills within, handing the rest to a startled Jack.

_Four hundred?_ He thought. _I guess he can get away with whatever price he wants, there's no regulation here._

"Now, you're gonna need ammo," he continued. "Like I said, that's chambered for .40, so I'll go around back and get you some magazines."

"Uh, thanks," Jack said, as the portly man disappeared behind a door, and soon returned loosely clutching several magazines containing the appropriate ammunition, which Jack eyed warily.

"Should you really be handling those like that?"

"Look, kid, I've been doin' this twenty years. You wanna start telling me how to do my job?"

"…I'm thirty-seven…"

"Whatever. Look, you want these, or not?"

"Thank you. How much for…two of those?"

"Forty dollars."

"Jesus, you're making a killing off of these things."

"There's a lot of precision engineering stuff at work with these, and that costs a lot. And yes, I do make a killing."

_With how nonchalant he is about all this, that's not surprising_. Jack dismissed this thought and proceeded with another inquiry. "What kind of holsters do you have?"

The portly man smiled at this question. "Now, let me tell you a thing about holsters. It used to be, every single handgun needed a different kind of holster because they were all shaped funny. But these days…" he then ran over to his counter and pulled something out from behind it, holding it up to reveal a strange sort of thing that certainly looked like a holster, but had the texture of loose nylon.

"What the hell is that thing?" Jack asked.

"The Silph Co. OmniFlex Nylon Universal Holster."

"That's quite the name for it. What's it do?"

"Simple. There are metal bands located through the structure, which can hold the nylon into any shape, but are still flexible enough to easily shift to that. All you need to do is simply put your weapon inside, and it shifts to fit. Almost any size handgun is acceptable!"

"Damn, you got articulate in the last ten seconds."

The portly man huffed at this. "I memorized the sales pitch, sue me."

"Won't this render other holsters obsolete?"

"It will when it actually comes out."

Jack started at this revelation. "Wait, you mean this thing isn't actually for sale yet?"

"Well, it's a prototype, and I managed to get it from a particular friend of mine—"

"Okay, I knew this place is kind of off," Jack interrupted, "but this is getting weird. Do you sell drugs?"

"Why, you want any?" the portly man asked, causing Jack to stare in abject horror. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Look, you want the holster or not?"

Jack considered it for a moment, before relenting. "All right, I'm still suspicious of this whole thing, but I'll take one. How much? One-fifty? Two hundred?"

"I'll give it to you for a hundred dollars."

"Shit, really? That's it?"

"Like I said, I got it from a friend, so any price I give is a profit."

"Then why not sell it for more?"

The man shrugged. " Hell, I'm not greedy, and besides, I don't need it, I can get more."

"…How, exactly?"

"I know people."

"Do you not realize how suspicious everything that comes out of your mouth sounds?"

"I am an honest businessman, damn it!" he cried, slamming his fist down onto the countertop. "Now, let's ring up your sale."

Jack warily stepped up and handed over the appropriate amounts of money, and after the man checked over his IDs again, received his purchases. Jack quickly noticed the gun was quite lightweight, and after attaching the holster, he also found that it fit inside perfectly. He thanked he portly man, and quickly dashed for the door, but not before Larch entered, looking quite joyous as he observed the weapons.

"This is going to be perfect!" he said, before noticing Jack looking at him oddly. "Oh, damn it, not again!" And he ran out once more, cursing all the while.

"Who was that? Friend of yours?" asked the portly man.

"Uh, sure, let's go with that."

()()()

Slick had gone for a very directly practical approach; thus, rather than a gun store or a trainer store, he had chosen OmniMart, the largest department chain in Kanto (easily recognized by its identical white-colored buildings), and the one place where one could buy almost everything. As this would easily include the items he needed, Slick wasted no time in entering, rather viciously eyeing the "no Pokémon outside of PokeBalls" sign located on the automatic doors, which was irrelevant due to his ingenious disguise.

"Discrimination, that's all that is," he muttered as he grabbed a plastic bag for his purchases. After getting one, he looked down the rows, seeing that the first several contained lamps and vacuums and such things, which were of no practical use to him.

Luckily, it didn't take him long to find one extremely useful item: "Duct tape!" he cried, rushing into the aisle to pick up several rolls of the powerful adhesive tape. "Now we can do anything!"

Slick's eye caught another, almost equally beautiful, sight a bit further down that aisle, which he also rushed for, this time a can of WD-40. He immediately seized several cans, and soon found that the cans fit perfectly within the rolls of duct tape to create the ultimate engineer's tool.

"Try and stop us now, world!" Slick said as he observed his creation. "Now, what else would be useful?"

"What's this about useful?" a fellow wearing a trucker cap, courdroy jeans, and a plaid shirt asked, walking up to Slick.

"I'm going someplace and I need useful things," Slick answered, tensing up somewhat.

"Well, that's a good start, but what you really need is a crowbar."

"A crowbar? Why?"

"You can use a crowbar for almost anything if you put it together with that stuff," the trucker explained. "My crowbar saved my life more times than I'd care to count."

_Probably higher than he can count, anyway,_ Slick thought. "A crowbar, right, that'll be good. Thanks for the tip."

"No problem," the man said, smiling gently as he walked away. Slick looked around, and soon found that such a device was nowhere to be found in that aisle. He growled subtly, and ran back down to the front, then proceeding to run along the aisles until he noticed them. Luckily, he soon did, and found that they had a wide selection, specifically in the tool aisle.

"Hello!" he said as he walked down the aisle, observing the drills, shovels, and et cetera that they had on offer for some rather obscene prices. It was, therefore, a good thing he had no interest in those, and a crowbar would probably be more versatile than any of those.

"Hm, let's see…hello!" He pulled a particular down from the rack, one that nearly glowed silver in the light from the warehouse lamps overhead, and which was perfectly engineered and molded to be nearly unbreakable. It certainly wasn't shaped like a traditional crowbar at all, but rather was in a more modern shape, including a hammer-like head on the top, and a nail puller behind that.

"What's this thing? 'Ultra-Heavy-Duty titanium alloy utility bar?'" he read aloud from the label, looking up in awe. "Shit, this thing's got titanium in it? How much is it?" Slick observed the price, and hissed slightly as he saw the remarkable price. "Ouch. Hm…Anne did give me a lot of money, though, and the other stuff I got isn't that expensive…" As he considered the options, he felt a feeling overtake him. He couldn't identify it, but it forced him to pause, and when it passed, he looked back down at the crowbar. "What the hell have I got to lose?" He shrugged, and made his decision, putting it with his other items, forcing the plastic bag to nearly burst open under the weight of it all.

"Yeah, that won't work," he said, observing the nearly-broken bag. "Do they sell duffel bags here?"

"Indeed they do," said none other than Berkeley Larch, walking down the aisle. Slick was initially surprised, but grew intrigued as he saw that Larch was carrying a roll of copper wire, as well as a strangely gun-shaped bulge in his pocket.

"Whatcha got there?" he asked, prompting Larch to take out the gun, which was soon revealed to actually be a novelty lighter.

"A lighter and some wire," Larch explained. "I figured they may be useful, and I have had some poor luck with choosing to purchase items that the others already did, so I am glad I got to them before you did. What have you purchased that is so heavy?"

Slick reached into his bag, and pulled out the crowbar, the bag itself retaining its stretched-out shape. "Titanium alloy crowbar. This thing kicks ass, lemme tell ya."

"Titanium alloy?" Larch asked. "Why would you need something so exotic?"

"It's titanium!" Slick shouted. "This thing could pry open a space shuttle! I'd say I'm set for life."

"You would have to be to afford that thing," Larch noted. "What else do you have?"

"WD-40 and some duct tape."

"Not bad. Oh!" Larch pulled something else out, a strip of gauze. "I managed to find several of these. If we are injured, this will likely save our lives."

"Wow, we're really going all out, aren't we?" Slick asked.

"I would very much liked to have had half of these items on our last 'trip'," Larch said. "Given that whole mess, I do not think we are overdoing our preparations even slightly."

"Fair enough. So, who did you meet up with?"

"Well, Anne got some Pokémon training items, Jack bought a gun, and you have bought some more general tools, I see."

"Honestly, if you ask me, I think you and I are the best off with this stuff."

"Indeed. I can hardly think of a scenario in which at least one of these items would not be useful."

"Uh, sure thing. Now, what would Ralph be doing?"

"Something strange and unique, I am quite sure," Larch said.

()()()

The professor was not entirely wrong, as Ralph had gone to a sports utility outlet. However, he had no plans of engaging in a game of baseball on the trip; rather he was looking for forms of protection for him and his friends.

Regrettably, the body armor was spectacularly expensive, and getting a set for all of them would be far beyond his wealth at that time, not to mention the fact that they probably couldn't all fit into them.

"Okay, that won't work," he muttered. "Wouldn't stop a bullet, anyway. Probably not much point in getting that."

He looked around for a moment, trying to see if there was anything else that might come in handy, and realized that, though the body armor was far too expensive, there was still something that would be useful: sports gloves.

"Ah, here we go!" he said, taking down several pairs of the heavy-duty versions, attempting to match them up in his head to the sizes of his friends. Confident that he had succeeded, he promptly walked to the register and purchased them, completely without any further incident.

As he walked out of the store, new purchases in hand, he considered that nothing strange had happened at all.

"Man, I got lucky," he said. "Nothing stupid at all."

"Ralph!" Larch cried, having suddenly noticed him from quite far away.

"Never mind."

"I say, what do you have there?" he asked, running up along side him, as did Slick. Ralph noted that Slick had a backpack on, several items protruding out of it, though he could not make out what exactly they were.

"Sports gloves. These should be useful."

"Clever!" Slick said. "Here, gimme."

Slick rudely grabbed one of the pairs and looked it over, noting that they would likely not fit on him correctly. "Uh, buddy, I don't think these are gonna fit very well on me."

"But you have hands," Ralph pointed out.

"No, I have claws. These are just illusions. I'm still shaped the same, it just doesn't look quite that way."

"Oh. Well, I guess we have a spare, then."

"Here, let me have those." Larch took the useless pair that Slick had, and tried them on, finding that they were quite comfortable, while still feeling very durable. "Ah, yes, this is a truly useful item! Thank you very much, Ralph."

"So…what's in the backpack?" Ralph asked, ignoring the compliment.

"It may be wise to go and meet up with the others and share our purchases," Larch noted. "Much more efficient, that way."

"That's a good idea," Slick noted. "So, uh, where are they, again?"

"I know Anne was hanging about the PokéMart, and Jack was getting a gun," Larch said. "They are probably still around those general areas, so we should start there."

"Let's do it!" Slick proclaimed. "Oh, man, Anne is gonna freak when she sees this stuff!"

And with that, the three bolted off in the direction of the PokéMart, hoping their friends were not too far away.

()()()

On the other side of town, within the police station, Lord Wolfgang Von Genocide had been detained once more, and was currently waiting to be brought back to the prison where had once resided. He had handcuffs on his wrists, and two armed guards immediately behind him, assault rifles at the ready (though not pointed at him).

"I do not suppose you gentleman would ever consider letting me go?" he asked, knowing they would not respond, not that they had to. "Not very talkative folks, are you?"

He smirked, looking down at the handcuffs that he had already broken out of, unbeknownst to them. "That is a terrible shame, of course. Think fast!"

The guards would never be quite sure what happened next; one of them knew, at least, he was suddenly hit in the face with the handcuffs, and the other knew that Wolfgang leapt up and kicked both of them in the face, sending them straight to the floor. "I would have loved to have a conversation with you two, but obviously that is no longer an option."

"Hey!" another cop shouted, running in with his gun drawn. Wolfgang turned, and leapt up again, running across the room and punching the cop in the gut before he could react. Initially, the villain was ecstatic, but looked in horror as the cop's head smashed against the wall, and he crumpled to the floor, unmoving.

"Holy shit," he whispered, breaking character in a very rare moment for him. "Oh god, oh god, oh god…"

His horror was abated when he heard another cop yelling down the hall, and he knew he would have to leave or he would be in a far worse situation. Knowing this, he dashed for the window, opened it, and jumped out, leaving the other cops to observe the situation.

"Holy shit," one of them said, looking over the chaos within the room. "What the hell happened here?"

"Corman's down," said another, observing the cop on the floor. Leaning down, he could see that he was still breathing ever so slightly, and was bleeding from the head. "Looks like a concussion, we need medical in here."

"What about the suspect?"

"Send out a search team. He's gotta be priority number one at the moment."

The other cop rested against the wall, taking a breath and observing the mess. "Shit, how the hell did he do this?"

"He's incredibly good at what he does. Come on, let's clean this up."

And as they did, a search team went out after Wolfgang, while he ran away, terrified at the very thought of what apparently happened, and what the consequences would be now…


	3. The Chase

Such A Strange Thing Life Is

Chapter Two

The Chase

()()()

For the group of friends, it didn't take very long to find each other; by the time Ralph, Larch, and Slick caught up with Anne, she had already found Jack hanging outside the coffee shop, from which they both had gotten a cup.

"Oh, hey guys!" Anne said as they came into view. She stood up and started waving, but it was not necessary, as they had already hurried up to them, Larch huffing slightly from the exertion. "Do you want a cup?"

"I don't drink coffee, sorry," Ralph dismissed.

"I think caffeine is poisonous to Zoroark," Slick said.

"Coffee? Thank you." Larch, ignoring the others, grabbed the foam cup out of Anne's hand and drank from it, then handing it back to her. As Anne observed the cup, quite disgusted, Larch pulled out his bag of items and opened it. "So, what did you all get?"

"Oh, right!" Anne said, forgetting about the cup. "Oh, man, this stuff is awesome! I have Ultra Balls, some Repels, uh…"

"Wait, that's Pokémon catching stuff," Jack noted. "Didn't we agree not to do that?"

"Uh, well, I mean, this'll be useful if we notice any other Pokémon we wanna catch…"

"I have no interest in capturing Pokémon," Larch said.

"Neither do I," added Ralph.

"Well, that would just be really weird, wouldn't it?" Slick wondered.

"Well, okay, maybe Jack would see something he liked?"

"Maybe," Jack said. "And maybe not. I think this stuff is gonna be useful to…well, just you."

"Oh? And what did you get, Mr. Smartass?"

"I got something that'll save our ass if we get in trouble," he said, pulling out his newly-bought gun. Upon seeing the weapon, they all ducked, and Jack quickly replaced it. "Sorry, sorry. Anyway, I got a gun."

"Wait, how the hell did you get a gun in one day?" Anne asked. "Don't they have to do, like, background checks and waiting periods and stuff?"

Jack faltered, recognizing that his plan was found out, and what Ralph said next didn't help much at all. "Oh, you went to Uncle Billy's?"

"Who's Uncle Billy?" Anne asked. "Jack, did you buy a gun off the market?"

"Uh, that's only one way of looking at it…"

"Oh my god, I cannot believe you!" Anne shouted. "And Ralph, you know who this guy is? Why haven't you arrested him?"

"He's helped me out in the past, I don't want to betray him."

"Great! Anybody else know about Uncle Billy?"

"I might have gone to him to purchase something…" As soon as he said it, Larch shrank back, under Anne's withering gaze. "I mean, I did not actually buy one, of course not…"

"But you still know who this guy is," Anne finished. "You do realize that you've all broken, like, ten different laws _each_, right?"

"Hey, this thing could save our ass," Jack said.

"You mean _your_ ass," Anne corrected. "I don't know how much mileage we're going to get out of that thing."

"So, let's look at what I got!" Slick interjected, trying to defuse the situation. "This is the stuff that'll really save our ass! We got duct tape, WD-40, copper wire—"

"I got that," said Larch. Slick ignored him and continued.

"And the piece de resistance, a titanium alloy utility bar!" Slick pulled that item from the bag and held it aloft, as if he were Arthur pulling out the Sword in the Stone. "With this, I'll be unstoppable!"

"Ooh, that's cool!" Anne said, observing its splendor. "You said that was titanium?"

"Yep, this thing could probably punch a hole in the space shuttle. Uh, not that we'll need to."

"Knowing us, that could come up," Larch noted. "I got copper wire and gauze. Not terribly interesting, but it could come in handy."

"That's a pretty good idea," Ralph noted. "This stuff is incredibly useful. I have a good feeling that we'll be getting a lot of use from that."

"Why, thank you!" Slick beamed. "Of course, in my infinitely wise judgment, I naturally chose only the most directly useful—"

"Don't push it, Slick."

Slick pouted slightly, but decided not to continue, lest he incurred Ralph's theoretical wrath.

"Well, Ralph?" asked Larch. "Care to show us what you have brought to the table?"

"Sports gloves," he said, pulling several of the pairs out. "Here's one for Anne, and for Jack, and some others here…" As he listed the names, he pulled out the pairs he selected and handed them to the appropriate person, which they eagerly accepted and put on, admiring them for their simultaneous comfort and durability.

"This is nice," Anne said. "Hey, Slick, why don't you have a pair?"

"They won't fit on me," he explained. "Besides, I already have fur and pads. I don't think those would really be much help at all."

"Yeah, I guess that's fair," Anne conceded. "Kind of a shame, though, isn't it?"

"Hey, if worst comes to worst, I can just use some of that gauze Berkeley got." Slick paused, and stiffened at the same time, a look of fear crossing his face.

"Slick?" Anne demanded. "What's wrong? What is it?"

"Wolfgang's here," he muttered carefully, looking around to see where the feeling came from.

"What?" Anne asked. "Wolfgang?"

"Impossible!" cried Larch. "He cannot have already escaped police custody! Surely they had the best of security!"

"Do not count on that, old man!" shouted Wolfgang as he suddenly ran past in a panic, catching all of them by surprise.

"What the hell?" Jack wondered. "Where's he going?"

"He'd better not be going to Uncle Billy's!" Anne yelled.

"I used what was available to me, okay?!" Jack shouted.

"Well, maybe if what was available to you wasn't illegal, we wouldn't have a problem!"

"Come on, guys, back me up on this!" Jack turned to face the others, but found that they had already run off after Wolfgang.

"Oh, goddamnit."

()()()

Among the many skills Wolfgang had perfected in his time was the art of Le Parkour, a difficult one to master indeed, but well worth it, as he was easily able to leap over any obstacle; benches, fences, and even walls were nothing compared to his abilities. He silently thanked himself for learning this as he ran, knowing that the cops were probably hot after him, and he was not in possession of any of his Pokémon, rendering him unable to fight back against them. He had also found himself in a questionable part of the town, where either there were cops all over the place, or they did not dare venture at all. He very much hoped it was the latter.

As he looked around for potentially useful ways to go, he noticed that a nearby apartment building was quite decrepit, and the bricks used in its construction were quite loose, creating a practical wall of footholds.

"Bingo!" he shouted, springing towards it and grabbing hold. Initially, he seemed triumphant, and his pursuers looked in despair as he climbed up. The fire escape on the opposite side of the building looked as if it would fall off if one were to breathe on it, and there didn't seem to be any other way up, rendering them grounded.

"I have enjoyed being on the chase again, gentlemen," Wolfgang shouted, "but now I must bid you adieu, as I have several others upon me, and it would be rather inconvenient to be caught by them."

"What the hell is going on out there?" somebody shouted from within the building. "Is some kid climbing on the wall again?"

Wolfgang paused. "What if I am?" he asked.

"Well, the last kid dumb enough to try that fell off!"

His eyes widened in terror, before he noticed that the last brick he had grabbed onto was very slowly slipping out of the wall.

"I have made an error!" he cried as the brick fell out, losing him one of his footholds. He desperately clung to the remaining one, but they were also not strong enough; one of the bricks he was standing on crumbled under his weight just then, and in his panic, he slipped, but was able to grab onto a window ledge, shoving numerous splinters into his hands from the cheap wood. He cried out in pain, but held fast, looking up as a woman holding two different cigarettes opened the window and looked down.

"Whaddya want?" she drawled out, showing no surprise that somebody was holding onto her window."

"Uh, say, ma'am, would you terribly mind helping me up?" he gently asked, putting on his best smile.

"Say, you up there!" Larch cried out from down below, having moved into the alley beneath the building. "Could you let our friend down? He is not quite right in the head and desperately needs his medicine." 

"Man, this alley is horrible," Slick commented. "How many syringes are in here?"

"Do not listen to any of them!" Wolfgang shouted. "They are the ones who are ill!"

"Then how come you're dressed like, uh, that one music guy?" the woman asked.

"I based this clothing upon Mozart!" Wolfgang cried. "Thus, I am Wolfgang!"

"Sure thing, buddy. I'm calling the cops."

"Damn it, no!" he cried as she shut the window and walked away, leaving him desperately hanging on as his greatest enemies jeered at him from down below.

"Having trouble up there?" Larch asked. "I could help you down, you know."

"Go away! I have perfect control over the situation!"

"Coulda fooled me," said Slick. "Are your hands bleeding? We have some gauze, if you want."

"Bite me!"

"If you say so," Slick said, smiling cruelly. "Should I come up there and do it now, or should I wait for you to come down?"

"That is not what I meant!" Wolfgang cried, trying desperately not to look down at Slick's very, very sharp teeth. "Get away from me, you idiots!"

However, they did not go away, and it was a good thing they stayed there, as just then, Wolfgang's grip on the windowsill failed him, and he plummeted to the ground like a rock, screaming like a little girl as he did so. Larch gasped in horror, and Slick ran forward to catch him before he hit the ground and broke like a Ming vase. After he was safe, Wolfgang looked up at his savior.

"Thank you," he said, and then passed out.

"What do his hands look like?" Ralph asked as Slick set down the unconscious body. He looked them over, and saw that, indeed, several very nasty splinters had found their way into his hand, and they were bleeding quite heavily. "Holy shit."

"Oh, that's going to get infected," Slick said, growing somewhat queasy at the grisly sight.

"How old is this building, anyway?" Larch asked, looking up at the window.

"Hey, what's going on over there?!" a cop shouted, driving up to the alley in a squad car, gun at the ready.

"Thank God, the police!" Larch shouted as he pointed at Wolfgang. "We got him!"

"Who?" Anne asked, as she suddenly showed up.

"There you guys are!" Jack said, appearing as well, although he seemed as if he had just run a whole marathon. "Damn, I'm out of shape…"

"Get back, everybody!" the cop demanded as he exited the vehicle, gun trained on Wolfgang's form. "This is a highly dangerous criminal, and he is to be considered a high threat!"

"Of course," Larch said as his group backed off, allowing the cop to make the arrest.

"What the hell did you do to the guy?" Jack asked, observing Wolfgang's mutilated hands.

"He grabbed onto that windowsill there," Ralph answered, pointing at the offending wood, "and it seems that it was the cheapest wood in history."

"The cheapest building in history, you mean," Jack corrected. "Who built this shitheap, Ebenezer Scrooge?"

"He would have built something better than this," Slick said. "Come on, let's get out of here, I don't like this place."

"Wait!" the cop said, stopping them before they could leave. "Aren't you the guys who went to Unova two years ago?"

"Indeed, we are," Larch said suspiciously. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I just meant that you're kind of national heroes," the cop said awkwardly. "That was a pretty damn good miniseries, too."

"It absolutely was not!" Larch cried. "That actor they used looked nothing like me, the whole thing was nonsensical fiction, and the writing was atrocious!"

"Yeah, and they killed me in, like, the first couple minutes!" Jack shouted. "What the hell was up with that?"

"I wasn't even in the damn thing!" Slick added. "I was the best part!"

"Uh, sorry, I didn't realize that—" the cop attempted to say, but Larch continued.

"That was absolutely the most absurd, misrepresented, atrocious _thing_ I have ever borne witness to! Thank god that my biography will set the damn story straight!"

"Hey, weren't you printing that?" Jack asked.

A look of realization passed onto Larch's face as he recalled what he was doing much, much earlier. "Damn it, you are right! It is probably finished by now!" And thus, he ran off, leaving everybody else somewhat lost.

"What the hell is going on?" Wolfgang asked as he woke up. When he realized that he was bent over the hood of a police car and in the process of being arrested, he grew quite furious. "Oh, for goodness' sake!"

()()()

Larch soon regretted his decision to run all the way across town back to his house, as, like Jack, he was hardly in any shape to do that sort of running, and barely found himself halfway out of the low-income part of town before he had to give up.

"Larch!" Slick shouted, attempting to catch up to him. "Are you crazy? You just ran all the way here, and now you're trying to get back to your house?"

"That may have been a poor idea!" Larch wheezed out, leaning onto his knees.

"Are you okay?" Anne asked, looking behind her at Jack, who was in the same state quite a bit farther back.

"I'll catch up!" he said, before falling over in a heap.

"Oh, come on!" Anne shouted, running over to him.

"Well, this doesn't set a very good precedent," Slick noted, observing Anne attempting to pull up Jack's crumpled form.

"Were you expecting anything different from us?" Larch asked, as he was starting to recover. "Honestly, I am surprised it took even this long for the absolute failure to start."

"Look, should I just get the car over here?" Ralph asked, slightly concerned. "It would work a lot better."

"Okay, how do we all fit inside?" Slick questioned.

"Anne could put you in a PokeBall," suggested Larch, before remembering exactly why that would be a poor suggestion.

"Absolutely the hell not!" he shouted, raising his cane to the sky. "Those things are the worst things ever! Have you ever been inside one of those? It's awful!"

"Is it really that bad?" Larch asked.

"Here, let's ask Anne to put you inside of one and see what happens!" Slick pointed to Anne as she returned, helping Jack come along.

"Wow, how out of shape are you?" Ralph asked.

"Shut the hell up, Ralph!" Jack said, entirely failing to sound threatening. "Just…shut up!"

"Well, all right, then. How do we want to do this?"

"Look, if Berkeley wants to check up on his book, I say you take him," Slick suggested. "We can just do something else. Like getting Jack liposuction."

"Bite me," the man wheezed.

"Okay, that sounds good," Ralph agreed, ignoring the insult. "I'll be back in…a little bit, I don't know."

Ralph ran off, leaving the rest of them in awkward silence, as the police car carrying Wolfgang drove past, the villain silently fuming, unseen.

()()()

As Ralph ran for his car, the policeman very carefully drove Wolfgang back to the station, one hand on the wheel and another on his gun, ready to shoot him the instant he did anything.

"So, I suppose you rather heavily punish cop-killers?" Wolfgang asked darkly, having no faith in his continued survival. "What is the penalty? Life imprisonment? Death?"

"What?" the cop asked, surprised. "You killed a cop?"

"Indeed," Wolfgang incorrectly confirmed. "I suppose now I have little to lose."

"Look, try anything funny, and I have authorization to shoot you."

"What reason do I have not to try?" Wolfgang asked. "After all, either way, I am going to die."

"In this jurisdiction, the sentence for killing a cop is life," he corrected. "You're not going to the chair."

"Is there a difference? What good is life if you cannot live it? Frankly, I would rather die."

"Look, stop getting philosophical on me!" the cop demanded, getting distracted for just a moment. Of course, when one is distracted while driving a vehicle, even if it is just for a moment, the opportunity for absolute catastrophe is opened wide, and they went screaming into that maw. The cop ran directly into a light pole, smashing it over and causing several bystanders to run away screaming. Within the car itself, both passengers slammed forward, the cop saved by his airbag, but knocked unconscious. Wolfgang came out slightly better, in that his superior reflexes allowed him to move out of the way before his face was pulverized by the seat in front of him, and thus, he could easily get out. But he did not, not yet. Rather, he observed the cop, again an unmoving body wrought by his hands. He observed in terror, and opened the door and ran out into the street, several people staring at him.

"What do you want?!" he cried, wildly looking back at them. "Do you want me to kill anybody else?! I have already killed two cops, I can kill again!"

"You made him crash?" a teenaged girl asked, stepping away from him. "It looked like he just ran into the—"

"Silence!" Wolfgang cried, running off. Just as he left, expertly dashing through the streets and between very, very confused people, the driver's side door of the cop car opened, and the policeman, dazed and confused, stepped out.

"W-what happened?" he slurred out, rubbing his aching head and observing the crash. "Did I do that?"

"I don't know," the girl said. "I really do not know at all."

()()()

A bit later, as Wolfgang had escaped yet again, secure in the false knowledge that he was now responsible for the death of two police officers, Ralph had driven Larch back to his house, and he seemed very eager to see the fruits of his labor, as he dashed inside the instant that his house came into view, not really even bothering to wait for Ralph to stop. Ralph looked on, impressed as Larch hit the ground running and barely showed any reaction as he sprinted for the door to his home and entered it.

Inside, it was just as big of a catastrophe as ever, but with a major, very recent addition: a large stack of papers, neatly prepared, which Rembrandt sat upon, looking at some portable gaming device of his.

Larch observed this pile with reverence, recognizing that within these pages, the truth, and his words, would finally come to light. He looked at Rembrandt and smiled, pleased that he had done so well.

"Rembrandt!" he proclaimed, catching the Smeargle off guard, causing him to yelp and fall off the pile, nearly making it tip over. Larch, however, would not allow such a thing to happen, and he was able to save his project with ease, looking over it at Rembrandt, who was sprawled out on the floor. "I say, are you all right?"

"Check, please!" Rembrandt said, before shaking his head and clearing his mind. "Ow, what happened? What's with this paper?"

"This is that thing I asked you to take care about when I was done with it, remember?" Larch said, and Rembrandt did indeed recall it as his brain slowly figured out how, exactly, it worked.

"Oh, right, that book of yours!" Rembrandt said, observing the pile. "Damn, you wrote a lot of this stuff, didn't you?"

"I certainly have!" Larch said. "Impressive, no?"

"That depends, is it any good?"

Larch faltered. "Well, it is only the original draft, there are bound to be certain failings…"

"So, no, then?"

"Well, give it a chance, at least!" Larch said. "With some editing, this would be a masterpiece!"

"Uh-huh. So, where the hell did you and Jack run off to?"

"We were attempting to reconvene the group so that—"

"Could you say that like a normal person would?"

Larch glared, but acquiesced. "Jack and I were getting the others so we can go to Kalos and try to get footage of a powerful Legendary Pokémon."

"Huh, you two are working together on that now? I guess Jack wants your help so he can actually get a Pokémon to brag about."

Larch smiled. "Well, maybe that was the original idea, but we agreed not to capture it, for it is said to have control over the very nature of life itself."

Rembrandt considered this for a moment. "So…he wanted to catch the thing that's responsible for life existing? He didn't think that would be a really bad idea?"

"Luckily, I was able to convince him that it was. Good thing I did, eh?"

"Yeah, the last thing you people need is control over the essence of life."

"I can certainly agree with that!" Larch said.

"Is it done?" a squeaky voice came from the left, and they both turned to see Jon, Larch's Furret.

"Ah! Jon! I am proud to present to you the first draft of my biography!" Larch said, pointing at the large pile. "Would you care to help me put it in the safe? I am going on a trip, and I cannot afford to leave it out like this."

"A trip?" Jon asked, growing excited. "Can I come? Can I come?"

"You want to go after what happened last time?" Larch asked, gesturing at the pile of pages. "Look at how long that is! It was an absolute mess of nonsense!"

"But it was awesome!" Jon said. "I got to be a ninja!"

"You were nearly shot!"

"You can't shoot a ninja! They're too fast!"

Larch fumed, but decided the argument was pointless and gave in. "Very well, you both may come along, but I expect you to remain safe and act rationally!"

"That's pretty rich advice, coming from you," Rembrandt cracked.

"Will you stop ripping on me, please?" Larch asked. "You are not doing wonders for your case, you know."

"Whoever said I wanted to come along?"

"Do you?"

"Hell no, I don't!" Rembrandt cried.

"Well, then, I suppose I shall only be taking Jon with me."

"What about Shaymin?" the Furret asked.

"I will not do that, far too risky. Now, could you please help me with these documents?"

Rembrandt groaned, and picked up some of the sheets, finding their weight remarkable as he walked them over to the safe.

()()()

A little while later, after the three were done with their task and Larch got back to the others, the local news team were hard at work attempting to decipher what exactly was going on with Wolfgang von Genocide. The policeman and the guards who were with him initially in the station were there, as was the man who attempted to apprehend him earlier, but crashed. They were all being interviewed, and in a separate office, two people were having a conversation about the information they could discern.

"Okay, nobody knows who this guy really is," Chip Estevez, the extremely photogenic male anchor, said, observing the transcripts thus far, "they don't know his name, they don't know where he came from, they don't know how he got out of prison, they don't know much of anything."

"What do they know?" Maria Stanton, the equally photogenic female anchor, asked.

"Apparently, he thinks he's a cop killer, and that he has nothing to lose anymore," Chip explained, "so he's probably extremely dangerous. He's also believed to have a grudge against that Professor Larch guy, but nobody really knows why."

"Larch? You mean the man who invented the translator device?"

"Yeah, him. He lives right in town. Probably why Wolfgang came here after he broke out of prison."

"He's an incredible genius," Maria noted. "Maybe this Wolfgang guy is just jealous of him and trying to get rid of him."

"That could be it," Chip noted. "But what we do know is that he's on the lose, and that people are in danger. The police have already agreed to find Larch and give him police protection, and they've asked us to run a warning to the public."

"Of course," Maria agreed, "after all, the people deserve to know when they're in danger."

But, the people were not in danger. Wolfgang had no qualm with them, and no reason to attack. No, his score to settle was with Larch and Larch alone, and as he ran through the forest, he silently thought to himself how sweet it would be when he finally wreaked his vengeance against the professor. It would be worth it, yes, it would most certainly be worth it.

It would even be worth death…


	4. Shadows

(Author's note: I've made a correction to the earlier chapters. Larch et al. live in Lavender Town, not Pallet Town. I apologize for the error.)

Such A Strange Thing Life Is

Chapter Three

Shadows

()()()

Larch knew that heading out that same day would be pointless; it was far too late in the afternoon by the time all was said and done, and it would be dark well before they reached the next town, much less Johto. Therefore, they all decided, it would be best to return to their homes with all of the items that they had collected, get some rest, then reconvene tomorrow, when they would actually set out on their journey. This, however, left Larch in an awkward position when he was back home; it was a bit too late to accomplish much constructive, and it was still far too early to go to bed without waking up in the middle of the night and undoing all the rest by morning.

"What to do, what to do," he asked as he paced around the living room errantly, looking around his home. "Hm. Perhaps the local news might give me an idea?"

He glanced at his antique grandfather clock, which he had painstakingly restored to its proper function, and saw that it was six thirty, just in time to catch the evening news.

"Yes, I think I shall do that." He walked over to his remarkably large sofa, about half of which was covered with various papers whose exact purpose was a mystery, and fished out the remote control from beneath a particularly large pile of them, immediately turning the television on and changing the channel to the appropriate one.

When he reached the channel, he noted he was just in time, as the familiar jingle of the Kanto News Corporation, or KNC for short, quickly passed by, as did the logo, which transitioned seamlessly into the visages of Maria Anton and Chip Estevez, the local anchors.

"Hello, and welcome to Lavender Town news at six thirty," the man announced proudly, picking up a piece of paper. "Our top story for tonight is escaped prisoner Wolfgang von Genocide, real name unknown, surfaced today in Lavender Town and went after local inventor and benefactor, Professor Berkeley Larch."

Larch leaned into the television, his interest growing as Maria started speaking.

"Wolfgang is known to have targeted Larch in the past for unknown reasons. The police have suggested that it may have been some form of jealousy, since Larch had just recently completed his Pokémon-to-human translator device at the time, but this is only a theory at the moment."

Chip began speaking again. "At the beginning of the incident, Wolfgang was apprehended by the police very quickly after announcing his intentions near a house in the Ruthers Subdivision, but soon after escaped police custody and went after Larch again. He proceeded to lead him on a chase throughout the city, until a policeman found him and attempted to arrest him."

"And that was the end of that," Larch muttered, but he soon found out the whole truth.

"However, soon after the arrest was made, the police car carrying Wolfgang crashed, allowing him to go free. Judging from the testimony from the man driving the vehicle, he believes he is a cop-killer and is therefore considered to be at large and extremely dangerous. Citizens are advised not to approach him or attempt to fight him, and instead inform the police of any sightings."

"What is the meaning of this?!" Larch cried in anger, ignoring the television as the news continued on. "How hard is it to keep track of one bloody criminal?!"

"What's going on?" Rembrandt asked, entering from the kitchen.

"Rembrandt, what are you doing?"

"I was getting a poffin from the fridge. I think you should clean that thing out, the mold is getting sentient."

"Oh, ha, ha, ha, I have bigger things to worry about than fungal cultures! Wolfgang von Genocide is at large due to the incompetence of the police, and I am in critical danger!"

"What, that guy again?" Rembrandt asked, disbelieving. "Wasn't he in prison?"

"See for yourself on the news!" Larch commanded, pointing at the television. Rembrandt did so, and saw that the anchors were talking about some flower festival in a different town. Larch, however, didn't notice either this or Rembrandt's confused expression, and continued. "My very well-being is in danger! I ought to file a complaint!"

Just then, the doorbell rang. Larch observed the door with hesitance, thinking it more than probable that Wolfgang knew his location. Indeed, if he were so obsessed with getting his revenge on him that he would chase him all the way to Kanto, he probably knew plenty about him, a thought which greatly disturbed him. The doorbell rang again, sounding more forceful this time.

"What the hell are you doing?" Rembrandt demanded. "Quit being an asshole and open the door!"

"It may be Wolfgang!" Larch whispered. "If I open the door for him, it would be suicide!"

"Why would a wanted criminal ring somebody's doorbell instead of just breaking in?"

Larch considered the question, and realized he was being somewhat irrational.

"Ah…yes, of course, that would make more sense…excuse me!"

Larch dashed for the door and yanked it open, finding several police officers standing there, all of them well-armed, Larch noted.

"Hello, officers!" he greeted. "Where might I file a complaint about this Wolfgang von Genocide business?"

"We're here on a protection order," the apparently head officer said, ignoring the question. "You're in danger."

"Yes, I just saw it on the news. How coincidental that you should arrive right now."

"We'll either take you to a safehouse or protect you here, whichever one is better protected," he continued, again ignoring him as they all entered. "Jesus, it's a goddamn sty in here."

"I have my own methods of organization!" Larch cried. "There is a certain order to the apparent chaos, you see!"

Larch continued to go totally ignored, however, as the police took various positions at his windows and side doors, observing the grounds outside and any potential points of attack. A few of them silently mused on how much better the lawn looked than the inside. One of them, though, didn't look around; he simply stood by the door leading out to the patio and said nothing else to anybody else. None of the others particularly cared, however, and started looking at the security measures hidden throughout the home, impressed by how thorough it was.

"This is certainly some advanced security," one of them noted. "I think this is better than our safehouse."

"I have some very sensitive documents throughout the house," Larch said as he sat down, quickly checking the cushions to make sure there wasn't a bomb. "I can afford the best of home security technology, but I cannot possibly afford any of my work being stolen. It would be a catastrophe!"

"This layout is a catastrophe. I don't think they would be able to find anything."

"Well, now you know why the house is in such a state as it is!" Larch proclaimed. "This is protection at its finest!"

"And a fire hazard."

"The building is made of nonflammable substances and has an active sprinkler system. I think I will be all right."

"It is? This thing looks ancient."

"That was the idea when I had it built."

The cop stared in awe, having just realized how rich Larch was, that he could build something like this on his own funds.

"Should I show one of you to the control area?" Larch asked. "It may be wise to keep the window shutters and such ready, you know."

"That's a good idea," said the head officer. "Any volunteers?"

"I'll go," offered the one who was guarding the patio door.

"Ah, how nice of you." Larch didn't hesitate to wave him over, the young officer immediately running over and following him outside the living room and to another door, leading to the basement staircase.

"It is down here," Larch said, "watch your step."

"Thanks," the cop said as they descended, finding themselves in the expansive basement, which, unlike most peoples', was brightly lit, quite tidy, and well-organized, by virtue of there barely being anything in it save for a few boxes and the lights. "Wow, do you just keep everything above ground?"

"It is much easier to get to it that way," Larch said as he walked over to a nondescript section of the wall. "Now, let me see if I can remember how to do this part." He carefully observed it for a few moments, before pressing in on an unseen panel, causing a larger door to open outwards, revealing a small control/panic room.

"This is quite the setup," the officer noted, looking inside at the various monitors and switches.

"Indeed, I have extensive protection," Larch explained. "Every window and air vent has a shutter, the doors can be remotely locked with steel bolts, along with the security cameras, facial recognition technology, motion sensors…I leave them off for the most part, of course, but it might be useful to keep them on in case Wolfgang shows up. If he gets inside somehow, we can at least shut him off from the rest of the house automatically."

"Huh," said the officer. "This looks like any Victorian mansion, but it's built like a prison."

"Thus, he would never be expecting to find any of this," Larch explained, "and if he attempts something, we can respond immediately. For example," he pressed a button on the panel, and the cop grew worried as the room itself was sealed off.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"It is simple. You did not really think you had me fooled, Wolfgang?"

Now the cop was very worried, and indeed, he nearly fell over in shock. "What are you talking about? I'm not that psychopath!"

"Oh, please, You never made eye contact with anybody, you immediately ditched the group, and most damningly," Larch reached over and yanked at the man's face, and pulled off a bit of latex, "this rather unconvincing mask you had."

"All right, you have found me out, good job," Wolfgang said, not bothering to reach for any of his weapons yet. "But I will have you know that I intend to defeat you once and for—"

But he was the one defeated, as Larch dashed forward and elbowed him in the face before he could complete his monologue, sending him straight to the floor in a sad, crumpled heap.

"What was that about defeating me?" he asked, observing him. Larch saw that not only did Wolfgang have a slightly split lip, but also a broken nose, and he was now bleeding rather severely.

"Oh, dear, that appears to be quite an issue," he said, smiling cruelly as Wolfgang once did. "Do you need any help with that?"

"W-what?" Wolfgang asked, some blood spitting out of his mouth.

Larch knelt down to him, still smiling, but shook his head and looked around him. "What the hell was that I just did?" he wondered. He decided to move on from that, however, and opened the room to the door with the button and helped up the semi-conscious Wolfgang. He then carried him on his shoulder, awkwardly lurching towards the stairs. His pace slowed to an absolute crawl as he went up them, having to very carefully pull up their combined weights one step at a time.

Eventually, and it was indeed a fairly long time, they came back up the stairs, the head officer standing there and looking in shock at the miserable man.

"What the hell is going on?" he demanded angrily.

"I have found your man," Larch explained, setting Wolfgang down, a welcome loss of burden. "Considering how thin he is, his weight is surprising."

"That's Wolfgang?" the officer asked, unbelieving.

"Yes," mumbled the referred, the word almost unintelligible from his ruined lip and nose.

"What the hell did you do to him?"

"I introduced his face to my elbow while he was yammering about my defeat. Come to think of it, we probably could have done that the first time around with ease."

"This is insane, how did he get into the protection group?"

"Perhaps he stole an off-duty officers things in secret and then joined up with you."

"We would have noticed he wasn't supposed to be with us."

"You would be surprised at the things the human brain is capable of," Larch said, "for example, convincing itself that that cop was always meant to be there, even when he was not."

"Well…this is embarrassing."

"Worry not, I have decided not to file a complaint. Please arrest this man."

Several officers quickly ran over to Wolfgang's crumpled body, and pulled him up, one of them putting a pair of handcuffs on the instant he had the opportunity.

"So, you have got me again," Wolfgang sputtered, blood issuing forth from his mouth. "But I will not be had so easily!" He attempted to put his weight back to distract the guards and escape, but it wasn't enough; they barely reacted at all, in fact, as he was far too tired to do much of anything to even a kitten.

"Sorry, Wolfgang," Larch said, looking at him in the eye, "but this time, I doubt you will escape."

"No…I have to beat you…"

"Perhaps if you manage to escape again, you can get another chance, but until then…goodbye."

Without another word, the officers removed Wolfgang from the residence, leaving only a handful of others, the head officer, and Larch.

"Well, that was invigorating," said the latter. "Considering what happened the last time Wolfgang declared his little vendetta, that was quite trivial."

"Those are some of the best officers we have. Some shrimp in a disguise isn't going to take them all out _and_ then outrun them, especially not after you broke his face."

"That was quite violent of me," Larch noted. "Honestly, I am quite surprised at myself for doing that."

"It was self-defense. People can do surprising things when they're in danger." Just then, a thought crossed his mind, a very odd one. "Wait, you put yourself in danger. You brought him down to your control room, alone. Why did you do that?"

"Simple. So I could trap him in with me, wait for him to start making a monologue, and interrupt him while he was distracted with his own cartoonish villainy."

"I see," said the officer. "I think we had better go now, there's not much reason to stick around if he's been apprehended."

"A fair statement," said Larch. "I would not much like to have the police stomping all about my house, anyway. It would be rather difficult to sleep."

"Wouldn't it be difficult to sleep knowing that some crazy person is after you?"

"Well, of course, but not in the same sense."

"I see." They both paused awkwardly, not really knowing where to carry the conversation. "We'll just…go now. Men, move out!"

The last few officers that were still in the building promptly convened at the door, at which point they all left with great haste, nearly bumping into the two people that were trying to enter the home.

"Berkeley!" Jack, one of those two, cried. "What the hell is going on here?"

"We heard that Wolfgang got out on the news," Anne, the other one, explained as they walked over to him. "We came over to see if you were all right, and we find a bunch of cops? What is this?"

"Anne! Jack!" Larch greeted, spreading his arms wide. "Nice of you to join me! Worry not, I am perfectly all right and that Wolfgang fellow is back in their custody. Lucky for them that he is, I was about ready to file a complaint."

"File a complaint?!" Jack shouted. "He could have killed you!"

"Could he have, though? Much of his time is spent on talking about his intent to defeat me rather than actually defeating me. Thus, when I got him on his own, it was trivial to ruin his face with my elbow." Larch held up his arm, revealing the blood that had gotten onto it.

"Holy shit! That could have killed him!" said Jack.

"What?" Larch asked, not realizing the truth of the statement.

"If you pushed the cartilage in his nose up into his brain, he would be dead in a second." He paused, considering another facet of the plan that reflected poorly on Larch. "Not to mention getting him alone with you! Are you crazy?!"

"Well, it worked, did it not?" Larch asked indignantly. "And besides, he is not dead at all, just severely injured. There is a great difference."

"What does 'severely injured' mean?" asked Anne.

"I broke his nose, and then I think my elbow went down a bit and injured his lip…"

"Since when are you this violent?"

Larch paused his explanation, thinking about the implications. "You know, that was actually quite surprising for me." He continued to think, bringing his hand to his mouth. "Perhaps I should see a psychiatrist, this is quite alarming."

"That's a hell of an understatement," said Jack. "I wouldn't expect that from Ralph, even."

Larch waved his hands about, as if to dissipate the very thoughts floating around. "Never mind, that is all in the past now, and Wolfgang is once again behind bars, and this time he should bloody well stay there. I am safe, we have nothing to worry about when we set out tomorrow, let us retire and be done with it. We have accomplished more than enough today."

"Okay…" said Anne, as she and Jack rather uncomfortably walked out. When they were out of Larch's hearing range, they leaned into each other and continued the discussion.

"It's like with that Zerus guy," Jack whispered. "Remember that? Berkeley fucked that guy up with a Hyper Beam! I'm still surprised he didn't die!"

"And he didn't seem to care that he was on a burning army base. In fact, he was kind of enjoying it, I think."

"You think he has some repressed violence thingy in his brain?"

"A doctor would use better terms, but yes, I do. We should probably watch out for him on the trip. Something's going to happen, it just is, knowing us, and I'm scared to see how he'll react."

"He'll probably shove that crowbar Slick got up somebody's ass," Jack suggested.

"Be serious!" Anne chided.

"Okay, okay, but we should seriously keep him away from that thing. And anything explosive. And the gun I got…"

"He might be our biggest enemy," noted Anne. "I don't think we're accomplishing anything huddled up out here whispering to each other. Let's go home."

"I'm with you. Bye!" They both got up, and walked off without another word, both of them thinking about what just happened, and especially what might happen later.

()()()

As they left, Larch sat upon his couch, hands arched in front of his face, deep in thought. On any other day, Rembrandt would have assumed he was merely thinking about some scientific problem, and wouldn't have said anything more, but he knew that from the recent events, that couldn't have been the case.

"Berkeley?" asked the Smeargle, hopping up onto the sofa. "You okay, man?"

Larch did not answer at first, choosing instead to continue thinking.

"Dude, Larch, give me something, you're kinda creeping me out here."

"Rembrandt, do I scare you?" Larch asked suddenly, making Rembrandt nearly jump out of his seat.

"What?" he asked as he started to calm down.

"Do I scare you? Am I disturbing in any way?"

"Well, you're kinda creepy when you don't talk and you just think, but other than that…no, I can't say you scare me."

"Well, that is surprising, since I have scared myself quite recently."

"How so?"

"You are aware that the police, and Wolfgang von Genocide, showed up earlier, correct?"

"Yeah, just now, I know that. What about it?"

"Well, I got an idea into my head that I would lure Wolfgang into being alone with me, at which point I would take him down and hand him over to the police."

"I didn't know you were suicidal."

Larch glared, but continued. "Well, I attacked him with my elbow, and…well, I seriously injured him."

"So what? That guy was an asshole, he deserved it."

"That is not the problem. The problem was that…I kind of enjoyed it."

"Did you?" Rembrandt asked. "Hell, I would have enjoyed it myself."

"You do not understand!" Larch cried. "It was like I turned into one of those slasher villains! I felt about ready to torture him!"

"Huh," said Rembrandt. "I'm gonna go over there now…you should see a psychiatrist about that, that's really not good."

Rembrandt quickly jumped off of the couch and ran elsewhere in the house, leaving Larch alone to brood.

"What has become of me?" he muttered.

()()()

The true question, however, was what had become of Wolfgang. He was taken off immediately, easily returned to the station where he would be held (hopefully better this time) and taken off back to prison. And that was the state he found himself in, waiting in that same room, having just been told he hadn't actually killed any cops, and now rather annoyed and tired, with a broken nose and a ruined lip. Thus, he didn't have very high hopes for any further successes, so it came as a great surprise when he was requested to go to the visiting room, and a man dressed in a nice suit came in and sat down in front of him. They both picked up the available phones, the agent smiling, and Wolfgang quite clearly frowning.

"What do you want?" Wolfgang spat out, literally, blood spraying onto the glass separating the two, along with the phone.

"Now, now, Wolfgang, let's not act rash. I've come here because I have an offer for you."

"An offer?" asked Wolfgang. "Of what sort?"

"You are a very fascinating individual, aren't you?" the man continued. "You're skilled in numerous different fields, you're in possession of some very powerful Pokémon, which we have gotten back for you, don't worry, and you recently managed to escape police custody twice in a row, then infiltrate a protection unit and nearly kill your greatest enemy."

"Of course I did," Wolfgang said. " I know all that, I did it."

"And it's incredible that you did."

"You never answered my question. Why are you here?"

"I'm here because I want to make you an offer. You hate Professor Berkeley Larch, correct?"

"Well, I am not exactly pleased with him at the moment, no."

"Do you want revenge on him for this position he's put you in?"

"More than anything."

"We've recently caught wind that he and his…'entourage' are travelling to the Kalos region in an attempt to capture a very powerful Legendary Pokémon."

"And you want me to capture it instead," finished Wolfgang.

"And also get any information about Kalos that you can. They were our closest enemy during the war, and we're very interested in seeing what they're like, and getting a powerful weapon from them."

"What about Larch?"

"We believe, from his recent, highly successful trip to Unova, and some of the very interesting actions that he'd taken during it, he may have become a defector to Unova, and possibly a secret agent for the Unovan government, and we want him out."

"So, you want to remove a potential enemy of the state and steal foreign secrets. Naturally, you ask the criminal mastermind."

"Necessity makes strange bedfellows, doesn't it?"

"That was not even close to the correct saying."

"But it's still true." The man set down the phone and walked over to the large metal door that kept the prisoners in, and the man standing in front of it. "Please open this door and let Wolfgang out, we're taking him into our custody."

The guard hesitated, but recognized that he was outranked, and opened the door, allowing Wolfgang to come out.

"Please, let me escort you to the car," said the man, gesturing towards the exit door. Wolfgang followed, quite willingly, and soon found that "the car" was a jet-black SUV with a government license plate, a remarkably stereotypical vehicle.

"Rather noticeable, isn't it?" asked Wolfgang, looking it over.

"It moves, and people tend to not want to be associated with black cars. It's sufficient."

"I see."

Somebody from inside opened the door, and the two men stepped inside, revealing that there was a third agent within, who didn't talk to either of them. Once the door was closed, the driver set off, leaving the prison behind.

"Here, have some of this," said the first agent, handing Wolfgang a vial of some purple substance.

"What is this?"

"It's like a healing potion for Pokémon, but it works on humans."

Wolfgang eyed it, and promptly swallowed it down, cringing as his face started to heal itself.

"It takes a while, but it's better than waiting for your body to do it itself. I'm Agent Brady, and this is Agent Johnson," he introduced, pointing to the man next to him, who continued to say nothing.

"Good to meet you, Brady," Wolfgang said, his mouth now somewhat numb from the potion's sheer strength. "Am I to assume that once my mission is complete, I will be given amnesty for my crimes?"

"In Kanto, at least. I don't know if you'll be give international amnesty, but we could see about that if we give somebody else the information you collect about Kalos."

"Some people would be quite willing to pay out the nose for that kind of knowledge," said Wolfgang. "It would be trivial to negotiate what we want in exchange for it."

"Of course it would. Now, as for your mission, you'll of course be given your Pokémon—"

"Naturally."

"—And you'll also be able to request any gadget or tool that you want, once we get to the base and you look around. And believe me, we have some very fun ones."

"I am sure I will have great fun with them," Wolfgang said, considering the numerous possibilities. "Oh, yes, this will be incredible fun."

As the SUV continued driving towards its secret destination, Wolfgang laughed, knowing that now, he would finally win…


	5. The Game is Afoot

Such a Strange Thing Life is

Chapter Four

The Game is Afoot

()()()

The next morning, Professor Berkeley Larch awoke in his colossal, multi-thousand thread-count bed, screaming in absolute terror, his cry echoing throughout the house. This tremendous scream rudely awoke Rembrandt, who was happily sleeping on the side of the couch not covered in paper.

"What the hell?!" yelled the Smeargle, rubbing his head as his brain tried to remember where everything belonged. "Where's the fire?" He frantically looked around, trying to determine his surroundings, before seeing a rather odd sight: Larch, running downstairs from his bedroom, a white sheet wrapped around him like a toga.

"What are you doing?" Rembrandt asked.

"Uh…just a bad dream," Larch explained. "Nothing to worry about."

"You screamed like you got shot! You're telling me that's nothing to worry about?"

Larch paused. "Okay, perhaps there is a bit more to it. I…saw Wolfgang there…but his face was ruined, and he only looked at me through the whole thing, and his face just got worse and worse…"

"That's not good," said Rembrandt, disturbed. "I'm gonna go somewhere else while you collect yourself."

"Wait!" said Larch, but Rembrandt had already left by then. "Damn it, a companion would be ideal about now. Rembrandt, you little…" Larch shook his head, and walked over to the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. If he didn't know any better, he would say he had just been through a war zone: his eyes were bloodshot, his thinning gray hair was a catastrophe, and he seemed to have a small bruise on his forehead. He rubbed this injury, wincing slightly as he did so.

"How the hell did that happen?" he wondered as he observed it. "I must have landed on it when I fell out of bed. Damn it."

He shook his head again, and then noticed the sheet wrapped around him. "Well, this just gets better and better." He carefully removed it, revealing his nightclothes that were severely wrinkled and ripped in some places. "Good thing I have replacements."

He sighed, and opened the cabinet the mirror covered, pulling out his toothpaste and setting to work, trying to retain some sense of normality with his routine.

()()()

As Larch began his routine, Ralph had already been awake for several hours, ready and prepared to go out the instant somebody showed up. After this lengthy wait, however, he started to get impatient, pacing around his house in a desperate attempt to keep himself entertained, an effort that ended up not really working.

"Where are they?" he asked, looking at the door as if he was interrogating it. "Come on, it's not that early."

He waited for a short time more, before groaning slightly and walking out to his car, the Vincentio Horizon given to him by Silias Silph. He held his hand up to his eyes to shield him from the reflection of the barely-risen sun reflecting off of its harsh-black windows.

"Goddamn sun," he muttered as he unlocked and opened the door, soon finding refuge within the vehicle, the polarized windows stopping the glare.

"Come on, come on," he muttered as he turned the key over, eventually starting the car. He pulled out, and drove out of the subdivision, slowly finding his way through the fairly empty streets until he arrived at Jack's stately modern home, and he pulled into the wide driveway next to _his_ expensive sports car.

He exited, carefully making sure that his door didn't scratch anything on Jack's car, and walked over to the front door, looking it up and down as if to approve of it.

"Time to figure out what's going on," Ralph said, loudly knocking on the door. No sound came from within the house, and Ralph scowled. He got ready to knock once more, but then noticed the button for the doorbell, and chose to press that instead, a loud ringing noise issuing from it. Another sound followed shortly, this one of Jack shouting and falling to the floor with a loud thump as he fell out of his bed, caught off-guard long before he had his alarm set, his sheets wrapping around him. Ralph then heard him loudly yelling a complex series of swear words as he made his way downstairs, trying and failing to untangle himself from the sheets. By the time he managed to open the door, he was quite upset and looked as if he tried to take his bed with him along the way.

"_What,_" he spat, staring a hole through Ralph's head.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up," Ralph explained.

"It's seven thirty in the goddamn morning! I wasn't even awake yet!"

"Well, why not?"

"You think I get up at seven o' clock every day?"

"I've been up for three hours now, what's your excuse?"

Jack stared, baffled at this statement. "You've been up since four thirty?"

"Four, actually," Ralph corrected.

"Why the hell did you do that? Are you nuts? Do you not need sleep?"

"Actually, during the Special Command training, you're taught how to get by on minimal sleep. It's a very useful skill for field work."

"You don't need to do that all the damn time!"

"It's good to keep in practice," said Ralph. Jack only continued to glare, before pinching his nose and groaning.

"Look, Ralph, I know you're eager, but…I just got up now, and I need to get ready. Could you just go get Anne or something? She might be up."

Ralph considered this advice for a moment. "Well, her place is near here…okay, I'll let you get ready while I stop by her place. Goodbye." He then walked back to his car, and Jack smiled as he closed the door.

"Finally, back to bed," Jack whispered as he picked up his sheets and headed for his room. "Weirdo."

()()()

Anne was indeed up at that point, due to the demands of her job. She had, in fact, already prepared everything for her assistant to take over while she was away, so that her various customers could easily transition to the new teacher. Since she was now, in essence, free of it, she had the opportunity to tell her own Pokémon what was going on. As such, she had released all of them, and called Slick over as well (for the sake of posterity), put them in a line, and started pacing in front of them as if she was a drill sergeant.

"All right, everyone, listen up!" she announced, as they all looked at her in confusion. "We are currently on a mission to capture a sighting of a Legendary Pokémon in the Kalos region! We will be traversing terrain and weather of all types over a very, very long distance!"

"Uh, Anne?" Slick asked, raising his hand. "Aren't we just heading to Sinnoh to get a flight?"

"Wait, are we?" Anne asked, her façade breaking. "I thought we were just walking."

"All the way to Kalos?" objected Carolus, her Arcanine. "That won't work! It's way too long!"

"Can't we just get that Latias to fly us over?" suggested Bill, the Charizard. "We could be there in, like, a day."

"There's no fun in that!" Carolus cried. "We'd probably get shot down if we tried that, anyway, that thing looks like a stealth aircraft."

"Where is Kalos, anyway?" Dante, the Houndoom, asked. "What's so important about it, even?"

"What's going on, again?" said Henry the Mightyena, the last of them.

Anne sighed, drooping her head. "Okay, obviously, this isn't working."

"How about instead of tying to play drill sergeant, you tell us what's going on?" Slick said, crossing his arms and furrowing his brow.

"I like that idea!" Henry said, still not quite sure what was going on.

"Ugh, fine," Anne relented, rolling her eyes. "I just wanted to have a little fun, but…okay, look, me and the guys are heading off to Kalos so that we can try to record some Pokémon called Xerneas. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah!" shouted Henry in excitement, before he put on a more confused expression. "What's a Kalos?"

"This is gonna be interesting," Anne muttered, just quiet enough that only she heard. Things did indeed get interesting just then, as Ralph showed up in the Vincentio Horizon, fresh from his visit to Jack.

"Ralph!" Anne shouted, as Ralph pulled up next to her. "You showed up already?"

"Yeah, I wanted to come get you all," he said as he exited. "Turns out Jack wasn't awake yet."

"Well, it is seven forty," Anne noted. "He probably sleeps in, like, a lot. Does he actually have a job?"

"I don't think so. Come to think of it, Larch doesn't really, either."

"Well, I think he looks at some of Oak's scientific papers sometimes, but I don't think he's actually signed on with anything."

"Not even SilphCo?"

"He gets a royalty check from the translators, but I don't think he actually works for them. Of course, knowing him, he might have woken up early so he could get to doing science."

"Ooh, are we gonna go see Larch?" Henry asked. "I like him! His house is really cool!"

"Can I go?" asked Slick. "This is getting really weird."

"Stay in line, soldier!" Anne yelled, going back to her earlier shtick. Slick recoiled, and stayed where he was.

"You're not doing that right," Ralph chastised, stepping before them. "All right, listen up, everyone! We are on a mission to—"

"We know that already!" Carolus growled. "Anne already explained it!"

Ralph scowled. "Excuse me for trying to help."

"Well, you're failing," Slick said, earning him a powerful glare. "That's the problem here."

"Slick, stop that," Anne warned. "Come on, let's go get Larch!"

Henry started to cheer in joy, but he was interrupted when Anne recalled him within his PokeBall, along with the rest of them, excluding Slick.

"Those things are still creepy," Slick said, pointing at them with his cane. "So you turn into red energy. Where does it go? What happens inside?"

"Why not find out?" Anne asked, holding a fresh one up.

"Hey, the agreement was I would stick around with you if you never put me in one of those things! I will hold you to that, damn it!"

"Okay, okay, I was kidding!" Anne said, replacing the sphere. "I'm not gonna put you in one of these things, don't worry."

"Good," Slick pouted. "Can we go and get Jack now?"

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," Anne said. "Ralph, care to do the honors?"

Ralph did indeed do so, and as they all entered the car, somebody watched them from within a nearby bush. They could not possibly see him, for he was wearing some of the most advanced camouflage in the world, a special type of suit that used tiny cameras and color-shifting fabric to create a perfect projection of everything around him, rendering him totally invisible. This was with the exclusion of a small spot around his eyes so he could see, and with the color-reflecting contact lenses, that was a moot point.

"Are the targets out of sight?" asked a very subtle voice through the com-set built within the suit.

"Affirmative," said Wolfgang, yet again in that fake accent of his. "Should I just go ahead and get them now?"

"Negative. You can't attack them within the jurisdiction of Kanto, you must wait until they leave the country."

"Copy. Shall I chase after them instead?"

"Yes. Try to remain in foliage or dark areas, that's where the suit is most effective."

"Understood. Wolfgang, out."

The device shut off with an almost inaudible click, and he looked around him for any available opportunities. He noticed the shadow cast by Anne's building was in a perfect position for him to run over to, and he immediately did so, the projectors on his suit rapidly updating the image behind him, although out in the bright open like that, he was immediately obvious. Luckily for him, he soon ended up in the shadow of the building, where it was impossible to see him. From there, he had an easy run to the nearby forest area, but as he ran for it, Anne's assistant looked outside, and noticed the suspicious blur that was passing over the natural grass.

"What the hell?" he muttered, leaning in towards the window. By the time he took a closer look, Wolfgang had already disappeared into the forest, not to be seen anywhere. "I knew I shouldn't have gotten up this early, I'm seeing things."

()()()

Soon after collecting Anne, they headed back to Jack's place at tremendous speed, Ralph practically barreling into the driveway. Once he got out of the car, he noticed he was alone in doing so, and looked inside to see that both Slick and Anne were practically glued to their seats in fear.

"You okay?" he asked, leaning back into the car.

"You seem okay, speed demon!" Slick yelled. "What the hell was that?"

"I got excited."

"Just get him already!"

Ralph smirked, and walked up to the door, looking inside for any sign of Jack. Seeing none, he ringed the doorbell again, and a new collection of swears burst forth from the home. After waiting several minutes, much longer than should have been the case, a very scraggy looking Jack, hastily dressed in his standard leather jacket, jeans, and skull shirt, opened the door, smiling.

"Hey, Ralph!" he said groggily. "I definitely wasn't asleep again!"

"Right. You going, or not?"

"Yeah, yeah, I have my gun," Jack answered. "Let's go, right?"

"…Sure."

()()()

As Ralph, Anne, Jack, and Slick drove down the path to Larch's home, much slower this time, they were blissfully unaware that anybody might possibly have been following them. Of course, the person following was moving far slower than the high-tech supercar that Ralph owned, so the distance between them meant their pursuer would be quite impossible to notice.

The trip to Larch's was not particularly long, which both hunter and hunted were thankful for; the former because he didn't want to run a huge distance through that forest, and the latter because he didn't want to spend any more on gas than he had to. Still, Larch's friends arrived long before his enemy did, and when they did, they saw that his gardener was already at work pruning the rose bushes that were placed around his mansion.

"Hey!" Ralph yelled as he pulled up inside, quickly catching the gardener's attention. "Is Larch up yet?"

"I heard him screaming about something earlier when I was pruning the bushes over there," he answered, pointing to the bushes directly placed against the house. "I'm not sure what that was about, though. There were some cops here yesterday, too. Do you guys know what's going on?"

"Screaming?" Ralph wondered, before his eyes widened in terror. "Holy shit! Larch is in danger!"

"What?" Anne asked, but just as she did so, Ralph had opened the door and jumped out, his gun in hand. "Ralph, what the hell are you doing?"

"Saving his life!" he shouted, as he ran up to the door and leaned against its frame, everyone except the gardener staring bewildered.

"Weirdo," the worker mumbled, continuing his job. "Why the hell does he hang out with you people?"

Ralph tested the doorknob, finding that Larch had failed to lock it, and opened the door slightly and looked within, not seeing anything. He took a slight breath and opened the door the rest of the way, quickly dashing inside and hiding himself, gun at the ready. He continued on inside the hall, but when he heard a noise from the living room, he pressed himself against the corner, and took a look. He didn't see anything, but he continued to hear the noise, now more clear as a sort of crinkling. Ralph jumped out from his cover and pointed his gun at the source of this sound, which he took a moment to realize was just a now very shocked Rembrandt unwrapping a poffin.

"Dude, what the hell?" he asked, dropping the snack.

"What?" Larch asked, entering the living room. "Rembrandt! What have I told you about eating poffins on the carpet?" Larch looked up, and noticed that Ralph seemingly intended to kill the Smeargle, and thus recoiled. "Ralph! What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"I, uh, thought that Wolfgang was in your house."

"Why would you think that? He is in a maximum security prison. I broke his face open! He has no chance of returning now!"

"I heard from your gardener that you were screaming earlier, and…well…"

"That was nothing more than a bad dream," Larch said, quite peeved. "Now, could you set that damn thing down before you shoot somebody?"

Ralph shyly put his gun in his holster, looking around as if to find something else to focus his attention on. "Uh…sorry about that."

"I sincerely hope this will not be the precedence for the trip," Larch said, crossing his arms. "Otherwise, this will be quite a miserable little adventure, especially if you actually do shoot someone."

"I don't think that's gonna be an 'if,'" said Rembrandt, who was still shaken up. "I'm gonna go now so I'm not the first one."

He hastily made his exit from the room, and Larch grew even more annoyed. "Well, good job, now Rembrandt has no faith in us at all!"

"He's not even coming on this trip, is he?" Ralph asked.

"That is not the point! The point is, if my own Pokémon does not have faith in us to succeed, how could we possibly…succeed?!"

"We're prepared for anything!" Ralph cried. "There's nothing that could happen that we won't be able to respond to!"

Naturally, Ralph was quite wrong; nobody can be prepared for everything, as was immediately proved when Jack kicked the door in, pointed his gun, and demanded everyone to get on the floor.

"Jesus!" Larch cried, complying with the command, while Ralph rather awkwardly reached for his gun.

"Wait!" Jack yelled, pointing his back upwards, although he did not take his finger off the trigger as he was supposed to. "Hold on, hold on, there's been a misunderstanding!"

"I certainly say there has been!" Larch cried, still lying on the ground. "Why the hell are _you_ trying to shoot me now?"

"Well, Ralph was in there for a while, and I was getting worried!"

"So you decided to play bloody cowboy cop?!" Larch continued. "Are you insane? You could have shot me!"

"He still could," Ralph noted. "You still have your finger on the trigger. You're not supposed to do that."

"What?" Jack asked. "It's totally fine."

"If your finger slips, that thing is going off."

"Right, like my finger is just gonna—" Suddenly, the trigger depressed, and a shot burst forth from the gun with a fairly loud retort, thankfully missing everybody in the house, though it did blow out a window panel. Ralph dove to the floor, right alongside Larch, who was now completely cowering. Jack, meanwhile, collapsed to the ground, both in fear and from the pain of the loud bang, and he looked dazed as he finally took his finger off the trigger. "…slip."

"You imbecile!" Larch yelled once he had recovered. "Have you no knowledge of trigger discipline! Even I know that you are supposed to keep your finger off the trigger, and now _all_ of us know why!"

"What the hell was that?" Anne yelled as she ran inside the door. She first looked at Jack's collapsed form, and then at his smoking weapon, and finally at the broken window. "Jack, did you try to shoot them?"

"It was an accident," he insisted as he got up, with some assistance from Anne.

"It doesn't matter if it was an accident or not!" Anne said. "Didn't you see that movie?"

"What movie?"

"You know, the one where they're talking and the guy is waving his gun around, and then he blows the other guy's head off?"

"Oh, yeah, real descriptive."

"That 'other guy' could have been me!" Larch yelled. "Why, of all the stupid things you could have—"

"Larch, stop yelling." Ralph said. "Now, let's all try to act reasonably about all this—"

"Boss?" asked the gardener, peeking his head in the door. "Are you okay?"

"You certainly took a while getting here," Anne noted.

"I thought you had it under control!"

"Nobody does, Reginald," Larch said, "nobody does."

"Have you idiots shot each other yet?" Rembrandt asked, coming back down the stairs. He saw the window, and held back a giggle. "I see you shot out the window."

"That is not funny!" Larch cried. "Those windows were expensive!"

"Can I go back to gardening?" asked Reginald, uncomfortably pointing behind him at the door.

"Please do," Larch said. "I would like to have fewer people in the house in the event that Jack slips again. Law of averages, you know."

"It was an accident! Goddamn!" Jack yelled, putting his gun back in its elastic holster.

"Well, even in the holster, I am sure you will find a way to 'accidentally' shoot it again."

"Larch, seriously," Ralph chided, "quit being an asshole."

Larch glared, but decided that following the order would be for the best. "Very well, now that we are all here, shall we set out?"

"Wait, I don't have my stuff," Anne noted. "I must have left it back at the school

"And I don't have any luggage either," Ralph said. "I kind of…forgot it too."

"Ah, yes!" Larch cried, suddenly getting excited. "Luggage!"

Everybody stared at him. "Yeah, luggage. What about it?"

"My latest invention, of course!"

"You have a new one?" asked Anne.

"Of course. I cannot get by on sales of the translator alone. By now, everybody in the world has one, and the sales have been drying up. So, I came up with a mechanism that will allow ease for the transport of goods!"

"What?"

"It makes it easier to carry things around."

"Oh. Why didn't you mention this earlier."

Larch paused. "Anyway, allow me to retrieve it! Once we have it, we can weightlessly carry all the luggage imaginable!"

"So, it's like a PokeBall, but for clothes?" asked Jack.

"Well, it is based on the same technology. Rather difficult figuring out how it works, as well. Those things are very complex."

"They have to be, don't they?" Ralph asked.

"Indeed, they do. Most useful things are. Now, let me go get it, please?"

None objected, so Larch dashed upstairs, returning shortly carrying a sort of rectangular box, colored in the same way as a PokeBall, except that on the top of it was some sort of control screen.

"Behold!" he cried, holding the invention up. "My Carrying Case!" Upon noticing everybody staring at him, he lowered the device. "Okay, I may have overdone that a bit. But this does work! I put my own luggage in it just a bit earlier, and was able to perfectly retrieve it!"

"Wow, that's really useful," Jack said. "When are you gonna give it to Silph?"

"After this journey of ours is complete, of course!" Larch proclaimed. "After all, it is a vigorous test to carry our things across half the world!"

"So, we're still going even though we've nearly killed each other already?"

"Naturally! Just as long as we remain careful with our things. Come, let us go!"

Everybody, excluding Rembrandt, made their willingness clear, and they all went outside, noticing Slick standing outside the car, looking at the house rather uncomfortably. "What the hell just happened in there?"

"A minor accident, no need to worry," Larch said. "We are all intact."

"Knowing you people, that's kind of surprising," Slick claimed. "Are you gonna be shooting each other all the time?"

"Hopefully, no," Jack said. "Okay, how do we all get inside this thing?"

Larch, and the others, observed the vehicle. "How did we do this the last time?"

"Uh…"

As they attempted to reason out the logistics of the seating, Wolfgang observed them in secret, hiding within one of the trees surrounding the home, and pointing a small directional microphone at them. He smiled as he watched them argue, while turning on his com-set and speaking into it.

"Did you get all that, HQ?" he asked quietly, soon getting a response.

"We did," they answered from the other end. "This is incredibly useful technology. Do not let it get into enemy hands."

"Hold on, they are going now," Wolfgang said, observing the tightly-packed car pulling out. "All targets gone, repeat, all targets gone."

"Follow after them," HQ commanded. "Do not attack them yet."

"I know, I know. Wolfgang out." He shut the unit off with a slight click, and observed the dust cloud created by the car's power. "Soon…"


	6. And They're Off

Such a Strange Thing Life Is

Chapter Five

And They're Off

()()()

In the car, despite being sandwiched between Jack and Slick in the back seat, Berkeley Larch seemed downright giddy from the sheer thought of displaying his new invention, the Larch Carrying Case, one he kept claiming would be revolutionary and would change everything, to the great annoyance of his colleagues.

"This is revolutionary!" he cried. "This will—"

"Revolutionize transportation?" Jack asked snidely. "Because you've said that, oh, six times by now."

"Well, excuse me for being excited about the greatest technological marvel in history!" Larch said, instinctively drawing the case closer to his chest. "Perhaps you lack the vision to see it!"

"I have enough vision to see that you're obsessed with that damn thing!" Jack said. "It's a PokeBall that's shaped a bit different! It's not that impressive!"

"How dare you discredit my brilliance!" Larch yelled.

"Kids, shut up back there, or I will turn this goddamn car around!" Ralph yelled. Jack and Larch immediately grew silent, while Slick giggled.

"What are you laughing at?" Larch whispered.

"Oh, man, this is too rich," said the Zoroark, still giggling. "I'm gonna have fun on this trip!"

"We're here," Ralph said, calling attention to the rapidly approaching driveway. Ralph pulled in, nearly hitting the garage door as he did so, and everyone readily got out, Larch nearly pushing Jack to the ground in his haste to do so.

"All right, Ralph!" Larch said, dusting himself off as Jack glared at him. "Shall you get your luggage so that I may demonstrate?"

"Okay, but if you start yelling again, I'm done," Ralph said, pointing at both Larch and Jack as he went into the house. When he was out of sight, the two glared at each other, but decided not to say anything. Ralph soon came back out before they changed their decision, easily carrying numerous suitcases.

"Okay, let's see what you dragged us out here for, Larch," Jack said, crossing his arms.

"Very well," Larch said smugly, opening up the case and revealing the complex electronics within. "As you can see, this is a very large amount of luggage, more than we could reasonably carry with us all the way to Kalos, correct?" He waited for an answer, but everyone just stared at him for a moment before Slick piped up.

"Uh, correct!" he said, raising his cane in the air as if in triumph.

"Exactly, thank you, Slick. However, with this remarkable little device…"

"Get on with it!" Anne shouted.

"You cannot rush genius!" Larch yelled. "Now, as I was saying, with this remarkable little device, we can carry any amount of such luggage with ease! Now, to demonstrate, Ralph, could you please set your things down and step away from the pile?"

Ralph hesitantly did so, leaving a good amount of stuff on the ground.

"You certainly seem prepared," Larch said, chuckling to himself. Upon noticing he was the only one doing so, he faked a cough and continued. "Uh, here is the demonstration!"

"Finally," Slick muttered.

Larch didn't hear him, and pressed a small green button on the case's control panel, and a red beam of light erupted from it, highlighting the luggage, condensing it into a small red point, and drawing it into itself. "And it works!"

"That's pretty incredible, yeah," Ralph noted.

"Why, thank you!" Larch said, taking a bow, which pointed the device at Ralph's car, and at the bottom of his gesture, his arm brushed against that same green button, shooting out an identical beam of red light that surrounded the vehicle.

"Uh," Slick said, before the car disappeared into the device. Ralph stared in shock, wildly waving at the empty space, while Larch attempted to piece together what happened.

"Hm?" he asked, looking around before noticing what was missing. "There was a car there a minute ago, wasn't there?"

"You turned my car into energy!" Ralph yelled. "Why did you do that?"

"Oh!" Larch said, quickly scrolling through what the device contained on the panel, soon finding a picture of the Vincentio Horizon. "That is…rather unfortunate. Uh, please give me a moment…"

"Put it back! Right now!"

"I am trying to!" Larch yelled, fumbling with a few buttons before he found the correct one, the red beam coming out and expanding into the shape of the Horizon upon the driveway, exactly as it was. Ralph fumed, but Larch attempted to salvage the demonstration. "And, as you can clearly see, it can carry objects of tremendous size!"

"Like my car?!"

"Yes, exactly," Larch said, closing the case. "So, are you convinced?"

"So, you get all pissed off at me when I accidentally shot the window, but when you absorb Ralph's car, it's all peachy?" Jack asked.

"The difference is that this," Larch said, shaking the case slightly, "is less likely to kill people."

Jack rolled his eyes, and Larch turned back to the group as a whole. "So, shall we continue?" He stepped for the car, but Ralph soon stopped him.

"Stay away from my car!" he yelled, leaping in between that and Larch.

"Come now, Ralph! It is completely unharmed!"

"So were you," Jack muttered.

"I don't care if your thing gave it a waxing! You're not touching it!"

"Oh, great, now Ralph's being stupid," Slick said. "How long until I start acting like an idiot?"

"Can't we just walk there?" Anne asked. "I mean, we're sure as hell not gonna drive this thing between here and Kalos, the terrain is a mess."

"Yeah, it might be a good idea to get some walking in," Jack said. "Good practice. Besides, we can carry all the provisions we want with that thing."

Ralph receded slightly, still staring Larch down. "All right, we'll walk. But try not to absorb anything else on accident, please."

"All right, all right! From now on, only luggage goes in."

"And food, we'll need food," Slick noted.

"Yes, and food, of course," agreed Larch.

"What about a video camera?" Jack asked. "We'll need one to record Xerneas when we find it."

"Probably a normal camera, too," Anne suggested.

"At this rate, I might as well have kept the car in here!" Larch shouted. "Anything else we need?"

They remained silent, before Slick piped up. "How about camping supplies?"

Larch twitched, but realized he had a point. "Okay, it would be wise to have these items. Does anybody have—"

"I have camping stuff," Ralph said.

"Enough for all of us?" Larch asked, unsure.

"Yeah, exactly enough."

Larch looked the man up and down. "Why do you have enough camping supplies…never mind. Could you show me to it?"

"Sure thing," Ralph said, running for the door. Larch followed as quickly as he could, leaving the other three around the car.

"Well, that was weird," Jack said. "I've never seen a car do that before."

"First time for everything," Slick said, before his ear perked slightly when he caught the subtlest of noises. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Anne asked.

"It sounded like…giggling, almost. And rustling leaves."

"Are we being watched?" Anne whispered, leaning closer to them. They quickly huddled together and began discussing the issue.

"Is that Wolfgang guy out again?" Slick wondered.

"Did it sound like him?" Jack asked.

"I couldn't tell, it was too quiet to make out any accent."

"It couldn't be him, he went to prison," Anne said. "He can't have escaped yet, especially not with the extra security they'd put on him after last time."

"And a busted lip, too," Jack said. "He isn't going anywhere like that without getting noticed."

"Unless he had help," Slick suggested.

"Who would help him, though?" Anne countered. "And more importantly, why?"

"I don't know the answer to either of those," Slick said. "But I do know one thing."

"What's that?"

"I can still sense where he is." Slick smiled, then closed his eyes and leaned down towards the ground, setting a claw on the grass. He breathed in, and in an instant, he had a full vision of the surrounding world, the trees and houses and such highlighted in black, red, and blue. He observed this for a moment, struggling to maintain it, before finally noticing there was a very slight blob in the tree in front of the house next door, but it was incredibly fuzzy, as if it was wrapped in something artificial.

"Holy shit, we're being watched," he huffed when he opened his eyes, breaking the vision. "He knows everything now!"

He stood up, but immediately collapsed into Anne's arms. "Slick! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine, that's just…really hard to do…he's in there!" Nearly fainting, he pointed towards the disguising tree. Anne and Jack looked at it, but at first saw nothing.

"Slick, there's nothing…" Jack began, before noticing something that was very off. "Wait a minute, there he is! He's invisible!"

"What?!" Anne yelled. "How?"

"What is going on?" Larch asked, as he ran back outside with Ralph. "Who is invisible?"

"WOLFGANG!" both Anne and Jack shouted at the same time, pointing at the tree.

"Impossible!" Larch yelled, before looking at the direction they were pointing and noticing the discoloration. "What?"

"Blast!" Wolfgang muttered into the com-set. "They noticed me!"

"Get out of there!" HQ called back, though Wolfgang did not particularly need the command to know his time there was through. He jumped down from the tree, the invisible suit barely keeping up with the speed, and as the strange blur ran off, the five individuals he was chasing after stared in bewilderment.

"What on Earth was that?!" Larch asked. "Where did he get something like that?"

"What _was_ that?" Slick asked. "I've never seen anything like that, and it made my sensing go all fuzzy."

"I think I read about this!" Jack said. "It was an experimental military project that used all these little cameras and projectors to make people blend in with the background, and it was designed to interfere with telekinetic vision."

"Damn!" Anne said, after which she whistled. "That's impressive!"

"I thought that technology was still experimental, though?" Larch asked. "How does he have one if the technology is not yet complete?"

"Maybe its more complete than they let on, and he stole it!" Jack suggested. "That would explain why Slick could still tell where he was, the interference function wasn't finished yet."

"Well, that's great," Slick said. "Not only is Wolfgang von Asshat or whatever out of prison _again_, but now he's invisible, and I can't tell where he is very well!"

"All right, that's it!" Jack said, pulling out his gun, careful to keep his finger off the trigger. "I'm putting a stop to this shit once and for all!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Larch said, waving his hands in an effort to deter him. "There is no need for such a degree of violence as that!"

"_Wolfgang is invisible!_" Jack shouted. "This has gone on long enough, it's fucking stupid, and I'm tired of it! Who's with me?"

"Yeah!" Slick shouted, pointing his cane to the sky. "Let's kick his ass!"

"No, no, this is all wrong! How can you possibly hope to face him now that he has all of this advanced technology on his side?"

"Can that suit of his stop a bullet?" Jack asked.

"Jack, would you please stop being so casual about shooting this man?" Larch asked. "It is getting kind of disturbing."

"What? He's an asshole! Don't _you_ want him dead?"

"Well, yes, but—"

"Jack?" Ralph interrupted. "Have you ever actually killed somebody?"

"Uh, no," Jack said, as if it were inherently obvious. "Why would I have?"

"Here's my recommendation," Ralph said. "Don't."

"But Wolfgang—"

"Will be caught by the proper authorities, without our interference. He's far too dangerous to be worth it."

"So you're just gonna let him go?!" Jack demanded. "Come on! Let's end this now and be done with it!"

"What happens if he ends you?" Ralph asked. Jack paused, not having considered that. "Jack, this man is incredibly dangerous, more than he ever was. He has a far greater chance of killing us than any of us do him. He's a genius, he's versed in countless different practices, and now that we can't even see him, we don't stand any chance."

"…Okay, maybe not," Jack said. "But if he comes back, he is going down." Jack put his gun back, pointing the now-free finger at Ralph. "Mark my words."

"Sure thing." Ralph cleared his throat, and started dictating what needed to be done. "All right, everyone, we'll have to stick together to remain safe. If Wolfgang does come back…shoot to maim and let the authorities handle it."

"Like they've 'handled' it so far?" Slick asked.

"He can't keep escaping forever," Ralph noted. "He'll give up eventually."

"And when will that be, huh?!" Jack demanded. "How long are we gonna have to play charades with this asshole before he gives up!"

"Jack, calm down," Anne said. "Ralph is right, we shouldn't try to kill him. That might not work out too well for us. We just need to stick together and fight him off if he comes back, and we can't do that if we're all arguing."

Larch sighed. "Anne is right. We must stay together if we are to see this through, and this is not the way to do it."

"That's… a good point," Ralph admitted. "Uh…for whatever it's worth…sorry."

"No need to apologize," Larch said. "We are all a bit…on edge, so it is natural to be irritable. Still, we must not allow ourselves to do Wolfgang's job for him."

"Okay, so, who wants to get their luggage turned into energy next?" Slick asked. Everyone stared at him, but Anne raised her hand. "We could go get my stuff, and ask the manager if he saw anything."

"Good idea, we can learn his movements," Ralph said. "Assuming he has been following us all this time, of course."

"How long could he possibly have been following us?" Larch asked.

"Probably for a while, now," Slick said. "He can't have been sitting in that tree all day."

"Obsession may drive men to strange actions," Larch noted.

"Yeah, yeah, sure, philosophy," Slick dismissed. "Can we go get Anne's stuff now?"

"A wise idea," Larch agreed. "Shall we walk?"

Jack sighed. "Might as well get used to it now, I guess."

They all walked off pensively, looking around to ensure that Wolfgang was not watching them. However, even if they had done a very thorough looking-around, they likely would not have noticed the blurred shape hidden in the corner of Ralph's house. Indeed, it was the man himself, who had turned around when his quarry was not observing him and hidden himself to continue observing them. Upon hearing that they were heading for Anne's place of business, he considered his options; if he followed after them, they would be on the alert, and thus more likely to notice him if he tried something funny, As such, he made the tactical decision to retreat and try to meet up with them later at Jack's house, where they would by necessity have to go next.

"Damn it," he muttered, realizing the plan as it was originally laid out would be impossible. "You got lucky, but I will have my time…just you wait, Larch…"

()()()

"Goddamn, this place is out of the way!" Jack huffed, grabbing onto his knees for support as the group finally arrived at Anne's school. He silently cursed the others for doing such a thing, but decided that since they would be walking most of the way to Kalos, it would be pointless to complain out loud.

"Hey!" Anne shouted, cupping her hands to her mouth like a crude megaphone. "John! Come out here, I need to ask you something!"

"What?" came a male voice from within. After a few moments, the assistant manager popped out, looking quite bedraggled. "What's going on? I'm busy with all of that paperwork. We really need to catch up better with that stuff."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Look, did you see anything weird earlier?"

"What?" John asked.

"Anything out of the ordinary?" Larch elaborated. "Perhaps…a man?"

"Uh…oh, yeah!" John said. "Earlier, I saw something on the grass that looked like…well, sort of like a person, except he was made out of glass or something, and it was all blurred, and running across the—"

"Thank you, John," Anne stopped. "So that means he was following us all this time!"

"Who?" John asked again.

"Never mind, go do the paperwork!" Anne shouted. John hesitantly returned to the building, and Anne continued. "Okay, so, we know he's been following us all this time, so he had to have gotten that stuff of his before then…"

"In the middle of the night?" Larch asked. "How?"

"I'm sure he has ways," Jack said. "What if he's here now, and we can't see him?"

"I doubt he would do that," Larch said. "He probably retreated because we were aware of his presence, which would put him at a disadvantage. Following us would be a waste of time, because we could have guessed that he was in an instant."

"All right, then, where is he, O Master Tactician?" Slick asked.

"If I had to guess…he would be at Jack's house, since we would need to go there to get additional supplies."

"We don't, though," Anne said. "I have some stuff in here we can use."

"Such as?"

"Well, I have a lot of honey, and that keeps basically forever, and some packaged stuff."

"Excellent! Jack, do you require anything from your home?"

"No, I brought my gun with me," Jack said. "I have all my Pokémon with me, so…that's about all I need, really."

"So we have no reason to go back to that, then," Larch confirmed. "Very well! Anne, if you would show me what you have available, I will take it in."

Anne led Larch inside, leaving Slick, Ralph, and Jack to consider their options.

"Okay, now what?" Slick asked. "What happens if he did follow us here?"

"Can't you do that ground thingy again?" Jack asked.

Slick shook his head. "It's way too hard for me to do that again so soon. I read that if a Pokémon capable of doing that does it too much at once, it can be fatal."

Jack flinched. "So, obviously, that isn't gonna work."

"Speaking of things that aren't gonna work, how are we going to get to Kalos, exactly?" Slick asked. "That's, like, way west of here."

"Ah, right!" Jack said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a map of the region, showing both Kanto and Johto, and all the major cities. "I figured out that if we can get to Goldenrod City in Johto, over here, they're offering flights into Unova as a sort of political deal."

"Really?" Ralph asked. "I hadn't heard of that."

"It only opened up, like, this week. If we can get on one of those flights, we can fly to Unova and then go to Kalos from there, without having to go over any of the mountains. This'll save us...well, a lot of time!"

"I don't like airplanes, though," Slick said, his face showing concern.

"What?" Jack wondered. "Why not? What's wrong with them?"

"You're stuck miles in the air in a giant metal coffin powered by explosions! There are easier ways to commit suicide, you know!"

"They're perfectly safe!" Jack insisted. "This is tested technology! We've had these things around for years! In fact, by the numbers, it's the safest method of travelling!"

"He's right," Ralph agreed. "Fewer fatalities than any other method."

"But what about percent of passengers?" Slick asked. "How about that, Mr. Science?"

"Will you cut it out wit the 'Mr.' thing?" Jack demanded. "And yes, even by ratio of passengers, it's safer. Don't be unreasonable."

Slick growled. "I'm not being unreasonable!"

"Yes you are!" Anne yelled as she exited the building, Larch soon following. "There's nothing wrong with planes!"

"Flying in from Goldenrod, eh?" Larch asked. "Well, going all the way to Unova just to curve back around is a tad inefficient, but much better than trying to trudge over an entire mountain range."

Slick sighed. "All right, but I'm not excited about it!"

"First the PokeBall, now airplanes…" Larch wondered.

"What about it?" Slick demanded. "I don't like those things, okay!"

"Tight spaces?" Larch asked."

"Look, it's none of your business, now stop asking about it," Slick said, sighing again. "Maybe I'll just try to fall asleep. If I do die, I won't be able to tell when…"

"You will be fine, I assure you," Larch said, "but first, we must actually get to Goldenrod City."

"Heh, it's kind of funny, isn't it?" Jack asked.

"What is so humorous in nature of this task?"

"We're all going to Johto and Unova again."

"Yeah, but this time you have me with you," Slick noted. "And we're trying to do something different."

"Still, history does indeed repeat," Larch said. "The best way to do this would be on that new Magnet Train in Saffron City, so if we go west on Route Eight, we could be there by nightfall!"

"Oh, yeah, let's ride the missile so we can get in the coffin," Slick said, earning several glares.

"Yes, we shall indeed do that, because that is the far faster way," Larch said. "Now, shall we be off?"

"Hell yeah, let's do this!" Jack shouted. "Where's Route Eight, again?"

"Just a bit north of here, isn't it?" Anne asked.

"Uh…" Jack checked his map, and confirmed that it was. "Okay, let's just head there now. Do we have everything?"

"I can confirm everything is in here," Larch said, scrolling through the panel on the Case. "Now, let us not dally any longer, we are off!"

They all headed off, minus Slick, who merely sighed and tried to catch up, not remotely excited for what was to come.

()()()

Larch's hypothesis of where Wolfgang was to be found was quite correct; he was outside of Jack's house, hidden in a bush across the street this time, but he was starting to think he had wasted his time, as they had not shown up for quite some time.

"HQ?" he asked, annoyance clear in his voice. "Any ideas?"

"You haven't seen them approach the house yet?"

"Not at all," Wolfgang confirmed. "I am starting to get worried. What if they have left already and I am waiting for nothing?"

"That is a definite possibility," HQ said. "You should head to Saffron City. There's the Magnet Train there, and they might intend to use that to get to Johto and then fly into Unova."

"Of course! They could be there very soon if they really tried," Wolfgang said. "What happens if I am too late to catch up with them?"

"Then you just get on the next train," HQ suggested. "But don't let that happen. It would waste time we can't afford to lose."

"Is it possible to stop the train?" Wolfgang asked.

"We can try. Get them to fake a problem with the thing until you can get there."

"It may cause unwanted attention to our little plot."

"We've been doing this for years, and nobody's noticed yet. Buildings fumigated, offices evacuated…all on us so we could do whatever we needed to do."

"Really?" Wolfgang asked. "You must be very powerful to do such things."

"The times called for an absolute authority, and we were it."

"What will happen to you now that the war is over, though?"

"Oh, don't worry, we're still around. We have the government exactly where we want them to be."

"I see. I shall follow them to Saffron, and hopefully stop them. Wolfgang out."

"HQ out." The devices clicked off, and the man Wolfgang was talking to smiled. "Oh, yes, we certainly have the government exactly where we want them. But not just the government. After all, when we say we found numerous Kanto residents dead on Johto soil, and the person responsible for it is nowhere to be found, what could happen except our power returning when the war starts all over?"

"Sir?" asked an intern, very uncomfortably. "Why are you saying the plan out loud to yourself again?"

"Because, operative, sometimes I like to remind myself of how brilliant I am," the man confirmed, smiling. "Send out the order to stop the Magnet Train so Wolfgang can catch up."

The intern grimaced, but typed in the command, which found its way to numerous other secret operatives, telling them to put a stop to the train's function so Wolfgang could do his work, not aware of what his role truly was…


	7. The City and the Train

Such a Strange Thing Life Is

Chapter Six

The City and the Train

()()()

Larch and his group made remarkably good time to Saffron City; while they had started rather late in the morning, it was only a few hours into the afternoon when they arrived in the outskirts of it, and they stood in awe at the modern burg in which they had last been so many years ago.

"Wow," Anne said. "It looks so different now."

"At least a few things are still the same," Larch said, looking at the still-identical Silph Co. building. "Ah, that was a time, wasn't it?"

"You were complaining through that whole thing," Anne noted. "Also, you kept shooting at walls."

"I had no idea how to use that weapon!" Larch shouted. "If I handed you some random thing, would you know how to use it?"

"Well, you clearly don't know how to use that thing," Slick noted, pointing to the case. "Do you know how anything works?"

"It is a learning process!" Larch insisted. "Come, we must go the magnet train. With any luck, we can be in Johto by next morning."

"The luck that we have never, ever had?" Jack asked. "Seriously, how likely is it that something stupid happens?"

"If you keep talking about it like that, incredibly," Larch said. "Come, we should get to the train. I believe it leaves soon."

"Yeah!" Slick said, weakly. "Let's do this, I guess."

Larch shared an odd glance with the Zoroark, and they set off once more, passing through the less-developed suburbs on the outskirts into the denser part of the city, eventually finding themselves back on the large Main Street, directly in front of the Silph Co. building.

"So, that's where the terrorists took over?" Slick asked.

"Team Rocket, actually," Larch explained. "After we threw their leader out a window and onto his limo, they quickly fell apart. He was the glue holding a rather disjointed, tense society together, and with him gone…"

"…it collapsed under its own weight," Slick finished. "You got a pretty big reward for that, right?"

"Oh, quite large," Larch confirmed. "But even that amount paled to the sales of my translator. Come, the train is quite a ways away still, we should hurry." He pointed down the street somewhere, and after some more walking to the other edge of the town, they noticed two rather impressive things: one was the train station itself, a sleek, modern, stark-white building just on the edge of the city, the track reaching over the streets and buildings off to Johto. The other one was the large crowd of angry people standing in front of it, loudly calling for somebody's blood. It didn't matter whose, just as long as they could have it.

"What is the meaning of this?" Larch asked.

"Are we gonna have to stop another riot?" Anne asked.

"Hey, screaming guys!" Slick yelled. "Whatcha so pissed off about?"

"They're inspecting the train and they're not letting us in!" somebody shouted.

"Oh, great, now we're stuck," Jack said. "How the hell are we supposed to get to Johto now?"

"Hold on a minute," Ralph said, pulling out his badge. "Special Command! Coming through!" Ralph ran to the crowd, and they reluctantly dispersed, allowing him to get inside and find that an elderly gentleman was standing in the middle of the crowd, surrounded by guards, all of whom were attempting to dispel the violence. "Sir? What's going on here?"

"We're having an emergency inspection, but they're having none of it!" the man shouted.

"What's the estimated time of completion?"

"We're trying to get it done as soon as we can, assuming the process goes well. They should still be able to get to their destinations!"

"Thank you, sir." Ralph turned around and faced the crowd. "All right, listen up!" he shouted with all his strength, quickly silencing the crowd. "They're inspecting the train, and you can't get on. If you showed some patience instead of yelling your heads off like a bunch of rabid Mankeys, you can get on soon enough."

The crowd looked at him, uncertain of what to do. A few of them mumbled something that Ralph couldn't hear, and he grew annoyed. As such, he went with the most logical approach to the issue and pulled out his gun, pointed it in the air, and continued yelling. The crowd gasped at this bizarre display, most of them trying to recoil away, including the guards and the man originally trying to help.

"All right, look—" he began, but Jack quickly interrupted him.

"Ralph, you dumbass, have you lost your mind?!" he cried from across the street. "Put the fucking gun down before you kill somebody!"

Ralph did so reluctantly, but the crowd was still terrified of him. "All right, look, the train is closed, now go get some coffee or something."

"You're crazy!" somebody shouted. Ralph attempted to shoot a glare at the person, but couldn't tell who it was, so he simply settled on glaring at everybody equally.

"I am a government official, and I order you all to vacate the premises of this establishment!" he cried.

"The answer is yes, he has lost his mind," Anne whispered, leaning into him.

"Anne, why do you hang out with these people?" asked Slick. Larch gave him a nasty look, but said nothing.

Of course, after Ralph's unique display of authority, the crowd collectively decided it would be in their best interest to follow his order and leave, lest he do something even more dangerous. Slowly, they dispersed around the station, leaving only Ralph, the few guards, and that old man in the spot.

"Sorry about that, sir," Ralph said, turning to the man, who tensed up as he made eye contact. "Crowd control is difficult with just one person."

"P-please don't hurt me," the gentleman said.

"Why would I do that?" Ralph asked.

"Because you are an absolute lunatic?" Larch shouted over.

"Hey, that worked, didn't it?"

"Yeah, so much for trigger safety, right?" Jack asked.

"My finger was not on the trigger!" Ralph insisted.

"Oh, and that just makes it perfectly okay to pull out a gun in the middle of a crowd, doesn't it?"

"Anne, seriously, why do you hang out with these people?" Slick wondered.

"Enough!" Larch cried. "We shall return later when the inspection is complete and go to Goldenrod City then. Is this acceptable?"

"Sir, yes, sir!" Slick said, doing a mock salute.

"Don't do that," Ralph chided as he walked back to them, "it's bad form."

Slick rolled his eyes, but still lowered his claw. "Okay, so now what the hell do we do?"

"I propose that we go and busy ourselves while we wait," Larch said. "No sense just standing around here."

"I like that idea!" Slick said, immediately running off.

"Wait, damn it, Slick!" Larch yelled. "We should try to meet back up in thirty minutes!"

"Sure thing!" Slick yelled back before disappearing.

"Well, I'm sure he's gonna have fun," Anne noted. "I'm gonna go get something to eat, I'm starving."

"Wait for me!" Jack said, following after her.

"Bye," Ralph said, not even bothering to explain his plan.

"Oh, tremendous," Larch muttered as he was alone on the street, looking at the station. "I could make some conversation…"

Larch walked off with his hands in his pockets, failing to notice a slight blur that entered the station quietly, snickering slightly as he had finally caught up to his target…

()()()

Larch soon found that everybody in Saffron city was rather a bit busy to make idle conversation with him, and after several tries and rejections, he simply gave up and sat down upon a bench in a park, looking around him at the lovely greenery, and all the people playing with their Pokémon.

"Lovely day," he muttered. "Nobody bloody appreciating it…"

"Berkeley!" somebody called. Larch looked around, and soon saw that it was Slick, who was taking a very exaggerated walk with his cane. "Beautiful day, isn't it, old chap?" he asked, tipping his bowler hat.

"Slick, what the hell are you doing?" Larch asked.

"Come on, I can't have a little fun if I'm dressed like this?" he asked, pointing his can at Larch's face. "Maybe you should lighten up a little. It's a nice day, the sun is out…"

"Everybody is a rude idiot…" Larch finished.

"Wow, try pulling the stick out of your ass, maybe? What's with you today?"

"I wanted to ask around to know what was about, but apparently they are far too busy for that!"

"It's a big city, Larch, things work differently here. You gotta call attention to yourself if you want people to talk to you!"

"And how do you suggest I do that?" Larch asked angrily. "I am hardly the most interesting looking person in the world, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Then we'll _make_ you interesting!" Slick said.

"Am I to assume this involves some zany scheme that is sure to backfire?"

"Hopefully, it's neither of those things. Here, come with me," Slick said, motioning for Larch to follow.

"What are you doing?" Larch asked, reluctantly following after Slick.

"Look, there's a bunch of guys with Pokémon around here, right?" Slick asked.

"Yes, of course, I am not blind. What does that have to do with it?"

"Easy!" Slick cried. "I'm your Pokémon."

"But you are not my—oh, I see!" Larch said, finally understanding what was up.

"Hey!" a man in running shorts and a white t-shirt said, running up to them. He looked Slick up and down, evidently quite impressed. "A Zoroark? How'd you get one of those?"

Larch looked to Slick, who nodded back at him. "Well, it was a very complicated happenstance that crossed our paths…"

"What?" the man asked.

"He means it was a bunch of crazy shit that happened and then we met," Slick said.

"Wow, you speak English?" he asked, astonished. "Most Pokémon aren't able to do that. Good thing I have this." He fished a translator out of his pocket and held it out. "Fantastic technology. Works perfectly."

Larch smiled. "Well, you know, I—" Slick nudged him slightly and grimaced. "Er, well, I know the person who designed those. Tremendous fellow, quite the genius." Slick rolled his eyes, but Larch continued. "Anyway, you do have Pokémon of your own, then?"

"I have a Mightyena," the man confirmed. "I'm not a serious trainer, though. I mostly just like the companionship."

"Always a fair thing, that," Larch said. "Anyway, odd business with that Magnet Train, eh?"

"Magnet Train? I haven't heard anything about that."

"They closed it down for inspection," Slick explained. "Man, you should have seen the crowd! They were _pissed!_"

"Inspection?" asked the man, confused. "That doesn't make any sense. They inspect it once a week, and they already did it this week."

"They did?" Larch asked, growing concerned. "Well, that is very odd, isn't it, Slick?"

"Maybe there was a problem with it and it was an emergency inspection?" suggested the Zoroark.

"Perhaps it was," Larch said. "Or perhaps…"

"Perhaps what?" asked the man. "What are you two talking about?"

"You know, Slick, the inspection could possibly be finished by now," Larch suggested, rapidly changing the subject. "In fact, by the time we got back there, it might well be complete."

"I think you have a good point there," Slick said, holding out his claw. "Goodbye! It was nice meeting you!"

The man awkwardly shook it, now not knowing what to think of those two. Upon saying his own goodbye, he ran off quickly, just short of outright fearing for himself.

"Wow, that guy was sure in a hurry," Slick noted. "Think he's a racist?"

"I…_what?_" Larch asked, incredulous.

"You know, is he racist?" Slick asked again, not seeing the problem.

"In what manner?"

"You know, all of those weird guys who don't like Dark types."

"Slick, I do believe you are a bit mixed up on that," Larch noted. "Although now that I think about it, Dark types seem remarkably unpopular…"

"We're not evil!" Slick shouted, drawing some attention from the people and Pokémon nearby. "Some of just look really, really evil! But we're not!"

"Weirdo!" somebody shouted.

"I heard that!" Slick responded. "You wanna go? You wanna go?"

"Slick, please," Larch said. "Let's not cause another incident, I would like to stay out of prison."

Slick fumed, and continued ranting even as Larch pulled him out of the park and back out onto the street.

"I will be free one day!" Slick shouted, finally pushing Larch over the edge.

"Slick, that is quite enough!" Larch said.

"Hey, what's going on?" Anne shouted. Larch turned to her, seeing that she was crossing the street alongside Jack, both of them carrying tremendously large hot dogs.

"Oh, hi, Anne!" Slick said, immediately forgetting about what he was just doing.

"What are you two doing?" Jack asked.

"We were trying to make some conversation, and we made a very fascinating discovery," Larch said. "Apparently, the Magnet Train is inspected once a week, and that already happened earlier."

"It did?" Anne asked. "Why would they do that?"

"Maybe something went wrong?" Jack suggested.

"Or perhaps somebody ordered that it be stopped, and the 'inspection' is merely a cover-up," Larch countered.

"Getting into the conspiracy theories, now?" Jack asked. "I didn't think you were that crazy."

"Just a few hours ago, we were fighting an invisible person in a skintight suit who calls himself 'Wolfgang von Genocide'. Are you really going to call me crazy?"

Jack smirked. "Good point. Goddamn, my life…"

"Should we take the train, then?" Anne wondered.

"I'm not gonna back down from this asshole!" Jack yelled, getting some looks from the people around them. "I mean, I'm going on that train, Wolfgang be damned!"

"It could prove dangerous," Larch warned. "Are you willing to take that risk?"

"If it means I get to kick his ass, yeah."

"We could not do that before, what makes you think we will succeed now?"

"He's probably tired, desperate, and annoyed," Jack noted. "Of course, so are we, but he's probably even more so."

"I am still less than convinced," Larch said.

"Hey, man, if you want to walk all the way to Johto, be my guest. Maybe you can swim to Kalos in case Wolfgang gets on the plane somehow."

Larch rolled his eyes. "Yes, well, it is dangerous, you realize."

"You punched out my brother on a flaming army base and then shot a laser at him," Slick recalled. "Why are you so scared of some dork on a train with some fancy gadgets?"

"Slick has a point," said Anne. "You've done a lot scarier than this."

"Only because I worked my way up to it!" Larch countered. "What do you expect me to do, go straight from a nice park to fighting an evil secret agent on a bloody bullet train?"

"Well, I certainly will," Slick said, raising his nose. "I'm already sick of this place. Goldenrod City is probably way better, anyway."

"I'm with him, I'd like to make some more progress," Jack agreed.

"Well, I guess I am, too," Anne followed. All three of them looked at Larch, who sighed in resignation.

"Oh, very well. I suppose that all things considered, we could probably beat him if we could somehow catch him off guard…"

"Wait, where's Ralph?" Anne asked, looking around for him. "We can't go on ahead without him." Slick got started to say something rude, but quickly decided against it.

"What would he be doing, anyway?" Jack wondered. "He didn't explain anything at all."

"I was doing some personal business," Ralph himself stated, practically appearing directly behind Jack, who leapt up in surprise and screamed in a manner just short of "little girl".

"Jesus, Ralph, you scared the shit out of me!" Jack cried. "Don't do that!"

"Sorry," Ralph said. "What's going on?"

"We were going to go back to the Magnet Train," said Anne. "What the hell were you up to?"

"I was scoping out the station," Ralph said. "They just finished a few minutes ago. Also, Wolfgang is totally there. He's in Car Three, I think."

"Damn! Then he did follow us here!" Larch said. "But how did he stop the train from running?"

"He must have friends in high places," Slick suggested. "By the way, Ralph, how did you know where to find us?"

"I just followed the yelling," Ralph explained.

"It's a city, there's yelling all the time," Slick objected.

"Not the way you guys do it. You sound pretty distinctive, too."

"Uh…thanks?"

"Let's go get on a train!" Slick said, pumping a fist into the air.

"You hate tight spaces, though," Anne noted.

"Oh…yeah." Slick considered this, gulping slightly. "Let's…let's just go get this over with."

Larch smirked as they all walked off in rather mediocre spirits. "This should be interesting…"

()()()

When they arrived back at the station, another, much smaller crowd had congregated, and this time they were actually moving through into the train itself. It was clear that they were managing the initial demand, likely because most of the original mob hadn't come back yet.

"All right, looks like we're in," Jack said. "What do we do when Wolfgang comes in?"

"I highly doubt that he would attack us on the train itself," Larch said. "Even with all of his technology, he would be quickly outnumbered by the other passengers and security, and in such a tight space, it would surely be fatal. Not to mention that he would actually have to get to us from wherever he is hiding, and that would probably be quite difficult with all the passengers that would notice."

"Thanks for the recap, Larch," Slick said. "He probably would wait for us to get on our own somewhere in Johto."

"Then we should stay together," Larch said. "Strength in numbers. Anne might do well to keep one of her Pokémon beside us at all times. Carolus, perhaps?"

"Good idea!" Anne agreed. "We need to actually get there first, though."

"Then let us do so. Come, the seats are diminishing!"

The group dashed up the stairs leading to the platform's entrance, Larch pulling out his wallet and checking to see how much money he actually bothered to bring with him. Alas, he quickly found he had nothing whatsoever.

"Oops," he said, replacing it. Jack smirked and pulled out his own wallet, which was practically full to bursting with money. "Don't worry, Berkeley, I've got us covered."

As the line diminished with astonishing rapidity, they approached the ticket master, who grimaced.

"Sorry, any Pokémon need to be in PokeBalls," he said, quite clearly looking at Slick..

The Zoroark frowned. "What, you think I'll shit on the seat?" he demanded, leaning in close.

"Well, we've had some incidents…"

"Please, as if!" Slick continued. "Look, I'm not getting in one of those damn things, and that's it!"

"Then you can't come aboard."

Slick groaned and walked off elsewhere, leaving everybody else to carry on.

"He's not staying behind, is he?" Larch wondered.

"His loss," Jack said. "How much for the tickets?"

"A hundred per seat," the man said, clearly less than amused at Slick's actions.

"Okay, here we…" Jack took out his wallet, but then observed something just slightly out the corner of his eye, something quite terrifying. "Holy shit!"

"What?" Larch asked, before he and everybody else in line noticed it: a smoking helicopter rapidly plummeting out of the sky, into the forest surrounding the city.

"They won't be able to recover!" Ralph noted, a slight terror evident in his voice.

"Oh my god!" Anne yelled, raising a hand to her mouth.

Absolutely nobody, including the ticket master, noticed or cared about the old man in a brown suit walking up the steps and blatantly cutting in line, eventually getting up to Larch's group and subtly pulling out some money. He, too, started to yell things, but the cries soon turned to cheering when the helicopter impossibly managed to recover and land somewhere in the forest.

"How the hell did they do that?" Ralph wondered.

"Tremendous!" said the old man, drawing a look from Larch.

"Where did you…oh!" Larch, upon realizing what happened, quieted down, and Jack continued to purchase the tickets, while the old man stayed behind.

"Sorry about that," he said, handing over the money. "Four tickets, please."

"Not gonna do anything about that…Zoroark, right?"

"I think he will be perfectly fine," Larch said.

"Yeah, yeah, he'll catch up," Anne confirmed, having caught on as well. "Don't worry."

"Well, all right then!" the man said, punching out four tickets and handing them over. "Enjoy your trip!"

"I will, thank you." Jack took the tickets, and the four of them walked inside, Larch turning back to see the old man had moved up next, to the slight confusion of the ticket master. Luckily, he seemed to accept it, and the man got through without any further problems, quickly running up to the group.

"What ho!" he said, in a remarkably exaggerated accent. "Lovely day for a trip on the tube, isn't it?"

"Slick, that is atrocious," Larch chided.

"Slick?" Ralph wondered, suddenly noticing the man. "Oh. Did you do the helicopter thing?"

"Yeah, old trick I picked up. Good for a distraction."

"What if somebody notices there's no helicopter in the forest, smart guy?"

"They'll assume a mass hallucination. By the time they figure it out, we'll be in Goldenrod, right?"

"Hopefully. We will most likely be there by about noon tomorrow, and I doubt many people will be in the forest at this time of day."

"It says our platform is number…five?" Jack said, looking at the ticket. "Slick, you with us on that?"

"Yeah, number five," Slick confirmed. He smiled slightly, but it faded when the platform itself came into view, and he started to breathe slightly heavier. "Okay, this shouldn't be that bad…" he said, adjusting his fake collar.

"Slick you'll be fine," Jack said. "Quit being a baby."

"This is difficult for me, all right!" Slick said. "Come on, let's just get inside."

They boarded the train, and found it to be quite nice, with good seats, some amount of room to themselves, and a practically sterile interior.

"Well, they certainly did a good job on the fake inspection," Larch noted. "This is tremendous!"

"Yeah, whatever you say," Slick said, immediately taking a seat, quite intentionally away from any window. "Great, fantastic, it's the best! I love it!"

"Glad to hear it," Larch said, not noticing the quaver in Slick's voice and taking a seat of his own, putting the carrying case in the compartment above. Anne rolled her eyes, and took the seat next to Slick's, which comforted him, if only just.

"This really is a kickass train," Jack said, sitting down next to Larch. "Am I right?"

"A tremendous achievement of modern science, yes," Larch said. "And how appropriate it should be carrying another achievement to its destination, eh?"

"Yeah, sure, it's ironic, whatever," Jack said. "Where did Ralph—"

Jack turned around in his seat, and noticed that Ralph had taken a seat by himself, next to an older lady who was quite asleep.

"How rude," Larch said. "Surely, we are not that repulsive to him?"

"I think the only reason he sat there was because she was asleep," Jack suggested. "Doesn't want to get bothered."

Indeed, that was the reason, but that hope was dashed against the wall like an overripe tomato when some other passengers came in, this time a younger woman, her presumed husband, and most noticeably, a screaming infant.

"Oh, shit," Jack muttered. Slick slapped his forehead, and Ralph simply closed his eyes and sighed.

"This is going to be a very long train ride," Larch noted.

()()()

The train ride would be even longer for two other people, both of them up front in the conductor's cabin. One of them, the conductor himself, was terrified, as somebody had simply barged into the station, demanded it be shut down under the pretense of an inspection, and started muttering plans of some revenge to himself. The other was the demand-making individual, Wolfgang von Genocide, who was also waiting in the conductor's cabin, an excellent hiding spot, as nobody could get into it when the train was active and moving at several hundred miles per hour.

"Attention passengers, we will be departing in ten minutes, please ensure you are in the correct car and that you have all your luggage, thank you," the conductor announced, before turning to Wolfgang, who was sitting on the floor. "You're insane! You'll never get away with this!"

"I have the backing of the most powerful government group in Kanto," Wolfgang muttered, "of course I will get away with this, and finally have my revenge!"

"Why? What happens if you fail and you just go back to prison, or worse?"

Wolfgang stood up, and looked the conductor straight in the eye. "I assure you, sir, that will not happen. I will win, and Larch will finally fall, that miserable old fool."

"They'll stop you. They did it before, and they'll do it again."

Wolfgang smiled, and sat back down. "That's what they think, I'm sure, that they can stop me. Well, once we're all in Johto's forests, I would love to see them try…"


	8. All Aboard

Such a Strange Thing Life is

Chapter Seven

All Aboard

()()()

Thankfully for Slick and everybody else in the train car, that woman's infant had shut up immediately when it fell asleep, giving everybody a chance to properly relax, save for the mother herself, who still got the occasional dirty look. Such a chance was a very good thing for Slick indeed, as the constant distraction could easily ruin his illusion; even if he didn't have to really focus on it that much to maintain it, one sufficiently harsh cry could shatter it, and then he would be in a very bad position.

At that moment, however, he was in a very good position, reclined in his seat and having a very pleasant dream (after setting up the illusion to remain in place), featuring him in his regular form ruling over a candied kingdom from a gingerbread mansion.

"Hell yeah!" he said, swinging his cane, which was, in fact, an actual giant candy cane. "This place is awesome!"

Things immediately got vastly less awesome, though, when the chocolate ground around him started to melt, and his mansion began to crumble as the frosting holding it together disintegrated.

"What?" he questioned, looking around at the catastrophe. "Oh, damn it, I hate the sun!"

He looked up, expecting to see the clear sky responsible for the destruction of his property, but instead found a giant black cloud had covered everything, and was getting more tumultuous by the second.

"Oh," Slick muttered, backing up in fear. Just as the lightning started to strike, he awoke, looking around the car in surprise.

"The hell was that about?" he muttered, turning to look at Anne, who was also asleep, and seemed to be having a better time of it. "That dream hasn't done that before…"

He looked around once more, and grasped his temple as a vicious headache suddenly set in. The illusion nearly broke, but he managed to hold on, and got up to collect himself. His headache thankfully soon faded, but now he was very curious as to what could have caused such a thing.

"What's going on?" he wondered. He considered sensing the train and figuring out what was happening, probably something Wolfgang did, but he realized the sleek metal construction and the sheer speed of it would render such a thing impossible. The only thing to do would be to search the train in the once place Wolfgang could truly call himself alone, and simultaneously have control over what was going on: the conductor's cabin.

"I'm onto you, asshole," he said to nobody in particular, hoping that none of the passengers would notice his absence.

Years of practice allowed him to silently slink down the aisles and between the cars with ease, nobody waking up to notice him doing so. However, just in the first car, when he was so close to his goal, everything nearly went south for him in a single instant.

The door to the very front cabin was in his view, and in a moment of irrationality, he ran for it, but quickly halted himself before running directly into another man who was getting up from his seat. Slick did his best to act casual as the man rubbed his eyes and yawned, but tensed back up when he looked right at him.

There was silence for a moment before the other man spoke. "Huh," he said simply, before walking to the back of the car for the bathroom. Slick let out his breath and continued, waiting for the man to properly enter the bathroom before he carefully opened the door, knowing the best ways to get into places he wasn't meant to. Thus, as he entered in, carefully slinking between the space he had barely created with the door, Wolfgang didn't notice at all, likely helped by the archvillain's recent lack of sleep or even rest and significant amount of strenuous activity, rendering him a barely-aware husk.

Slick stared in shock at the man, stopping completely to consider his options. His presence was unknown, which was a great advantage, though if he was noticed, Wolfgang doubtlessly had some sort of gadget that could take him down in an instant. Slick shrugged, and rushed at Wolfgang, who turned in surprise and was not properly able to respond, quickly getting tackled to the floor.

"Hey!" the conductor cried, not really caring as somebody was taking care of the Wolfgang problem. "You're not supposed to be in here!"

"Neither is this asshole!" Slick cried, as he wrestled with Wolfgang, seemingly gaining the upper hand. "Come on, give up already!"

"Never!" Wolfgang cried, delivering a lucky strike to Slick's chest, who then lost his breath and recoiled away, allowing his opponent to clench his fist, which sparked with electricity. One more punch and the electrified suit knocked Slick to the ground unconscious, the illusion dispersed.

"Oh, I see how he did that!" the conductor said. "That's clever."

"It was not enough," Wolfgang said. "And now that he has failed, I only have four more to take care of, and knowing them, I need only provide a single apple of discord, and they will fall apart like a house of cards!"

"I'm sure they will," the conductor said, silently hoping with all his might that no, they wouldn't.

()()()

Wolfgang, of course, could not have accounted for all possibilities, and one of the possibilities he didn't fully consider quickly occurred after Slick's defeat. Dark clouds and a melting landscape interrupted Anne's slumber, much like Slick's, though no candy was involved this time, merely a lush forest.

"Gah!" Anne said as she awoke, shocked by the nightmarish turn. "What the…Slick?" she whispered, attempting to find the Zoroark. She saw nothing of him, no trace at all, which was strange; had he woken up and wandered off, she wondered? Considering this train of thought, she got up herself and found her way to the bathroom, but found it completely empty.

"Okay, Slick, come on, where are you?" she whispered, before a tap on her shoulder diverted her attention. She turned her head and saw that Ralph was also awake, and seemed equally confused as her.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Ralph? What are you doing up?"

"I heard you walking around and I wanted to know what you were doing." Upon an odd stare from Anne, he elaborated. "I'm a very light sleeper. Comes with the job, you know."

"Uh, sure," Anne said, not really knowing at all. "Slick's missing, and I can't find him anywhere."

"You think Wolfgang got him?"

"Wolfgang?" Anne wondered, before remembering what was up. "Oh, right, that asshole. I don't know, how could he have gotten him without anybody else noticing, especially you?"

Ralph considered this. "That is weird. Does he normally wander off?"

"Not really. I don't think he would get too far from me in such a tight space, either."

"Well, clearly he did."

"Hey, what's going on, guys?" Jack asked, practically appearing behind Ralph.

"Jack," Anne whispered, "have you seen Slick anywhere?"

"No, I was having a really nice dream before it all melted for some reason."

"Melted?" Anne asked. "Were there black clouds, too?"

"W—yeah, there were, why?"

"Mine did, too," Anne explained. "What do you think we should do?"

"We need to find Slick," Ralph noted, looking around. Despite the dim light, he soon noticed something of interest. "Look, the carpeting!"

Jack and Anne both did look at the carpet within the aisle, and saw that there were slight impressions within it, barely noticeable had Ralph not pointed it out.

"He must have gone this way," Jack said. "Come on, he might be in danger!"

Anne grew serious at the idea of her Pokémon being in danger, and they quickly set off further ahead in the train, leaving Larch, who woke up right as they went into the next car.

"Eh?" he sputtered, looking around. "Oh, Jack is in the bathroom," he said, before quickly falling back asleep.

()()()

Anne, Jack and Ralph carefully followed the trail of prints, eventually finding themselves before the conductor's door, which they stared at in confusion.

"The trail ends here," Ralph whispered, "he must have gone inside."

"Then this must be where Wolfgang is," Jack said, fear creeping into his voice. "He has control of the whole damn train."

"So he did shut it down earlier," Anne reasoned. "That son of a bitch."

"Hey, I got a hot dog out of it," Jack said. "How do we get in?"

Ralph reached for the latch, but Anne stopped him.

"You're just gonna waltz in there?" she asked.

"If it means that Wolfgang gets stopped, I doubt the conductor'll mind very much."

"Good point."

Ralph turned the latch and entered, finding Wolfgang standing over Slick's unconscious form.

"Slick!" Anne cried, running to him. "What did you do, asshole?"

"Merely a high-voltage electric charge," Wolfgang noted, clenching his fist again and producing another blast of electricity. "Quite strong, strong enough that he dropped like a brick. Utterly pathetic, really, I expected your Pokémon to be a bit stronger, Anne."

"Bite me, asshat!" Anne said, rushing at him. Wolfgang easily grabbed her arms and halted the assault, throwing her back to Jack and Ralph.

"Is that all you have to offer anymore?" Wolfgang wondered. "Perhaps you are simply tired. Understandable, of course, but still so very disappointing."

"How's this for disappointing?" Ralph said, producing his gun and leveling it with Wolfgang's head. His opponent cowered slightly, realizing he had nothing that could stand up to a bullet.

"Hey, you're not supposed to have guns in here!" the conductor cried, trying his best to pay attention to the controls.

"Dude, I think we've broken enough rules already that that doesn't matter," Jack said, pulling out his own weapon.

"W-we can talk about this like adults, surely?" Wolfgang asked, putting his arms up as if to surrender. "No need to go about shooting each other like a bunch of outlaws, right?"

"What happened to all that formality, Wolfgang?" Jack asked, smiling. "Afraid?"

"Perhaps I am," he said, glancing at the conductor, and the control panel. A plan began to form in his head, one that was quite dangerous, but desperate times did call for desperate measures. Wolfgang dove behind the conductor's seat, randomly pressing a variety of buttons, naturally to the conductor's objection.

"What are you doing?!" he demanded, trying to push Wolfgang away even as the train rapidly slowed down, throwing Anne, Ralph, and Jack off their feet. "You'll get us all killed!"

"If I am to fall, I will take everybody else on this damn train with me!" Wolfgang cried, leaping out of the way and running past the incapacitated group, and out into the first passenger car, whose occupants were now quite confused and concerned.

"Why is the train stopping?"

"Who's that guy?"

"Goddamnit, what the hell time is it?"

"He's fucked the train up!" Jack yelled, getting back up. "Now what?"

"I'll try to get the train back up," the conductor said, looking at all his gauges and trying to determine what he had to do. "You go stop…whoever that is!"

"On it!" Ralph said, running after Wolfgang, the other two following after.

The conductor turned back, and looked around further. He pulled out his communicator and spoke into it, desperately demanding advice.

"Control, this is Magnet Train One, outbound from Saffron City, en-route to Goldenrod. We have had a terrorist attack and are now slowing down rapidly. Advise."

The communicator crackled, someone on the other end sounding rather panicked and annoyed. "Terrorists? From where?"

"Unknown. Please advise on speed issue."

"Hold on…it looks like the track override was activated and the magnets are slowing you down. Where are the terrorists now?"

"He's running down the passenger cars and three…officers are in pursuit."

"Wait, just 'he'? What's going on?"

"Unknown. I repeat, please advise."

"Right, right, if he's running away, it's probably safe to turn off the override and get back up to speed. Try not to accelerate too quickly, somebody could get injured."

"Understood." The conductor sighed and attempted to get the train going again, the magnets beneath turning back on as they slowly lurched forward.

"Always meet the weirdoes on this job…" he muttered as the train quickly came back to life and picked up speed.

()()()

Meanwhile, the three passengers chasing after an additional stowaway quickly felt the effects of the train's rapid acceleration, a gift granted by the powerful electromagnets beneath. In fact, they felt the effects so thoroughly that they were nearly thrown off their feet, Jack almost getting flung into a very surprised elderly lady in a floral-pattern dress.

"Sorry about that, ma'am," Jack apologized, getting back up to where he was and smiling sheepishly.

"You young whippersnappers!" she cried, raising a hand in the air. "Don't you know it's dangerous to run on a train?!"

"I do now, I'll try to keep that in mind for the future."

"You'd better, sonny!"

"We're wasting time, he's getting away!" Ralph said, pushing past them and running ahead. "He's almost gotten to Berkeley!"

"Oh, shit, he's probably still asleep!" Jack yelled. "He'll get his ass kicked!"

"In front of all these witnesses?" Anne wondered as she followed after Jack.

"He probably doesn't give a shit, he has to have a smoke grenade or something!"

"Good point!" The two of them picked up their respective paces, hoping they could make it before Wolfgang did.

()()()

Larch was indeed still asleep, even though everybody around him was awake now and murmuring in confusion. When a sudden feeling of dread washed over him and his dream melted away once more, however, he did wake up, just in time to see Wolfgang enter. The two men locked eyes for a moment, Larch standing up quickly to face him at last.

"So, you did get on the train!" Larch said. "I am impressed, I doubt that I could have done the same!"

"Were you still asleep when I came in?" Wolfgang asked.

Larch balked. "Of course not! I am a very light sleeper!"

"Bullshit!" somebody yelled. Larch turned back to look at him, scowling.

"You are not helping!" He turned back to Wolfgang, wearing the same scowl. "Now, then, how shall we do this?"

"Larch!" Ralph yelled, coming up behind Wolfgang in the car ahead, Jack and Anne soon following. "He's okay!"

"He will not be for much longer," Wolfgang claimed, clenching his fist and producing another barrage of electricity. "I would love to see how he handles several thousand volts coursing through his body."

"Perhaps better than you might realize," Larch said. "I have had extensive experience with electronics, and I have been shocked before."

"But were you getting punched in the face while doing so?"

"Generally speaking, no, but I have been punched in the face a few times."

"Well, having new experiences is always a positive thing, eh?" Wolfgang asked.

"Quite so!" Larch quickly bluffed at Wolfgang, who recoiled just enough that he had a chance to reach up to the luggage compartment above and grab the Carrying Case, holding it out like a weapon. Wolfgang merely stared, as he was very confused as to what that could have possibly accomplished.

"So?" Wolfgang demanded. "You have a little…rectangle…thing. What good can that do you?"

"This!" Larch cried, pressing the release button. The "rectangle thing" burst open, a suitcase appearing in a flash of red light and flying at Wolfgang, hitting him directly in the face. He crumpled to the floor immediately, the force of the luggage having knocked him out cold.

"Holy shit!" Jack yelled, running forward. "Was that your suitcase?"

"I think it was yours, actually," Larch corrected, recalling it. Jack glared as Anne and Ralph followed in, not to mention the murmurings of the people in the car.

"Okay, listen up!" Ralph yelled, silencing them. "This man is now in custody, and he will be taken to the police as soon as we get to Goldenrod City and we figure out what the hell is going on here. I'll bring him up to the front and tie him up in a closet or something until we get there, which should still be at about the same time. Got it?"

The passengers nodded, but Ralph's plan was unfortunately short lived as Wolfgang came to, which was not noticed by anyone. He looked around, and quickly propelled himself upward, kicking wildly at Larch and forcing him away, giving him a clear path. Ralph ran after him, but Wolfgang quickly gained the upper hand, leaving him in the dust.

"Damn it, come on!" Ralph yelled, desperately trying to speed up. Alas, his stamina was starting to leave him, and Wolfgang soon lost him, allowing him a chance to escape using yet another device, this time one that would mimic the infamous Pokémon technique known as Teleport. Ralph could only watch through the opened doors of the train as, in one of the rear cars, Wolfgang disappeared in a brilliant flash of light, leaving everybody aboard the train awake, confused, and annoyed.

"How does he always do that?" Larch wondered.

"I really hate that guy," Jack muttered, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

"If he teleported off the train, wouldn't he still be going as fast as the train was?" Anne wondered.

"I imagine there was some manner of compensation for that," Larch said. "At least, I would hope such a device would have that. It would be a rather powerful flaw to have otherwise."

"Well, now where the hell is he?" Jack wondered.

"Likely not far," Larch noted. "I doubt that could take him far enough to get to Goldenrod ahead of us, else he would have just used it earlier."

"I'm gonna go check on Slick," Anne said. "He might have recovered by now." She ran off, as the others took their seats back, Larch picking up the suitcase again as he sighed in annoyance.

"One day, just one day!" he muttered, looking up. "One day where normal things happen!"

()()()

When Anne revived Slick, he was in quite a sour mood, as he not only had a splitting headache, the rest of him ached as well.

"Agh…" he said as he slowly tried to get up, eventually succeeding with Anne's assistance. "Feels like I got hit with a Thunderbolt…"

"You did, kind of," Anne said, walking him out of the conductor's cabin, by which said conductor was very thankful. "At least, Wolfgang shocked the hell out of you."

"Wolfgang?" he wondered. "Yeah, he was back, wasn't he? Goddamn asshole…can't leave us alone for five goddamn seconds…"

"You wanna try to do the illusion again?"

"Wha—oh, yeah, that, hold on." A few moments later, Slick was back to being the old man in the brown suit. They were soon back to their seats, and Slick took his well-deserved rest, which did much better for him than lying on the floor. He sighed as his dream returned, not ever turning into that same bizarre nightmare, though he was still somewhat uncomfortable as he returned to his kingdom…

()()()

Larch was correct to assume that the teleportation device could counteract inertia; when Wolfgang appeared in the forest below the train's elevated tracks, he was completely halted and could safely carry on, having none of the speed the train granted him. Unfortunately, the device was one-shot; the electronics always ended up fried in the testing for it, so they simply declared it an emergency backup method of getting out of a bad situation and handed it off. Wolfgang did wish it was able to do more than that, but all technology had its limits, and he had a much greater problem besides: getting to Goldenrod in time to catch up with Larch and his crew. If he could somehow get a vehicle or other transportation going, he could probably get there in time to catch them before they ended up on their flight to Unova and then Kalos.

He grimaced and looked around, the Pokémon in the forest providing a rather eerie background as he attempted to find a road, or something at least. After slowly marching through the areas where he could freely do so, he did not find a complete road, but he did find something: an obvious dirt path, and a light at one end of it. He dashed for said light, hoping there would be some civilization and thus, a vehicle he could "borrow."

The light did indeed lead to a small home, with a rather beaten-up red pickup truck parked outside it. He looked around and, determining nobody was awake, walked for it and pulled out his lock pick, but it proved to be unnecessary as he noticed the door did not actually have a lock, and thus he could freely open the door and get inside.

The interior was, if anything, worse than the outside; most of the dials were obviously broken, much of the door siding was missing, revealing the mechanism that would lift up the nonexistent window, and the seats were only leather in the most academic sense possible. He sighed as he tried to start it up with the key that remained in the ignition, the engine weakly roaring to life and producing noxious black smoke from the tailpipe.

"Good lord," he muttered. "How can anybody stand to drive this?"

"Hey!" cried the only man who could stand to drive it, a massive man holding a shotgun, as he ran outside and pointed his weapon at Wolfgang, before lowering it.

"Don't steal Martha!" he begged, getting onto his knees. "Please, not Martha!"

"I apologize, but I need this vehicle if I am to have any chance of succeeding on my mission," Wolfgang said, smiling.

"I've had her ever since I was a boy!"

"I would believe it was that old, this is atrocious!"

"Please, she's my pride and joy!"

"You could do with better standards, then!" Wolfgang shifted the truck into reverse and pulled out, turning it around and driving off at the highest speed the truck could allow (which was still rather pitiful). The man looked on in horror, but then started laughing when Wolfgang was eventually out of earshot.

"Martha won't get you anywhere, boy!" he said. "And I've still got my motorcycle! Have fun without a muffler!"

()()()

Wolfgang grimaced as the truck bounced around upon the dark forest road. Clearly, the suspension was no longer actually in the vehicle, and worse, only one of the headlights worked, so he only had a partial view of the path before him. After a very, very long trial that ended with several parts falling off the car, leaving an extensive trail of unidentifiable metal bits, he finally got onto the small road running next to the magnetic track, and he waited to pull onto it until he was sure it was safe, since he doubted the truck could survive any hit. And thus, as Larch sped along to Goldenrod in a relatively comfortable train, sure to get there the next morning, Wolfgang drove at a much weaker pace, pushing the truck for all it was worth and barely reaching the speed limit. He grimaced, and activated his com-unit, smirking as the static cleared and was replaced by HQ.

"HQ, this is Wolfgang," he said, trying to maintain attention on the road. "I am en route to Goldenrod in an absolute lemon, the mission aboard the Magnet Train was a complete failure."

"What?!" HQ yelled. "What happened?!"

"They had a weapon I was unprepared for," Wolfgang explained. "They threw a suitcase at me. It's quite painful."

"Wolfgang! Get a grip, moron!" HQ yelled, before remembering about a little thing called "professionalism."

"I apologize, that was uncalled for. But please complete the mission without getting off-track, this is critical to the safety of the nation."

"Then hire a sniper or something, this is absurd!" Wolfgang said. "I have nearly been killed several times by now, and I highly doubt that this vehicle is even licensed proper—CHRIST!"

Woflgang swerved to avoid a massive tractor-trailer that he failed to notice during his conversation, panting heavily when he was back on the proper side of the road.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"What is wrong is that I nearly got pulverized by a semi truck!" Wolfgang yelled. "Look, I will attempt to stop them once I am in Goldenrod, but after that, you are on your own, I refuse to continue!"

HQ groaned. "Ugh, fine, but if you don't, it's back to prison with you."

"I would almost rather be in prison than out here! Out here is awful! Everybody is either insane or stupid, or more commonly, both at once! But if I do stop them, I go free, correct?"

"Yes," HQ sighed.

"Very well. You have my word that I shall be free." Wolfgang deactivated the com-unit and continued, as the man on the other end leaned back in his chair and let out a breath.

"This is pathetic," he muttered. "I find the most dangerous person in the world and pit him against his greatest enemy who he has a vendetta against and would do anything to kill, and he keeps getting his ass kicked!"

"Maybe you could follow after them somehow and take them out then?" the intern suggested meekly.

"Yeah, but it would be obvious to take a jet plane to Unova or Kalos and it would come back to me pretty quickly, and then _I _would get taken out! It's much better to take some idiot and pin it all on him."

"Yeah," the intern agreed, subtly fiddling some small device hidden in his shirt. "That probably wouldn't be too smart, would it?"

"No, it wouldn't, but I'm starting to question whether or not that wouldn't be much easier than waiting for Wolfgang to do it. What do you think?"

"I say let Wolfgang try again, and then take care of it yourself."

"Fine," he agreed, leaning back forward to his command console as the intern once again fiddled with the device. "Come on, Wolfgang, keep up…"


	9. Goldenrod

Such A Strange Thing Life Is

Chapter Eight

Goldenrod

()()()

Thankfully, the Magnet Train arrived in Goldenrod City, Johto, the next morning without any further issues, allowing all aboard to continue as normal, with perhaps some minor modifications to their original plans.

"Damn, that was a sucky ride," Slick complained as they all five got off the train, rubbing his head. He soon dispersed his illusionary disguise, drawing some surprised looks from all those around him, though many of the passengers still knew what was going on with him and thus took no issue.

"Sure are a lot of cops around," Jack noted, looking down from the raised platform at the streets below, where indeed, numerous police cars and officers were stationed, as well as SWAT trucks, bomb squads, and several other branches besides.

"Well, after such a scare on the train, they likely want to ensure nothing further will happen," Larch noted. "Probably after everybody is off, they will raid the entire thing and hope to find Wolfgang."

"That won't do much, he disappeared," Anne noted. "We should probably let them know that."

"Capital idea!" Larch said. "I shall do so right away!"

"Wait—" Jack said, but Larch had already run down the stairs to the street, and began looking around.

"Excuse me?" he asked, drawing some attention. "Where might the head officer be?"

"Who wants to know?" somebody, likely the aforementioned head officer, called back.

"I am Professor Berkeley Larch, and I have information some of you will likely find to be quite pertinent to this whole operation."

"That being?" asked the officer, now somewhat interested as such a famous figure was involved.

"Well, I have dealt with Wolfgang before, as he considers me to be his 'rival' for whatever reason, and he is no longer aboard this train."

"What?!" cried several of the scattered officers. The head officer more specifically continued, his annoyance with the situation growing.

"You gotta be kidding me! Where the hell is he, then?"

"I do not know, he used some manner of teleportation device to escape while the train was still moving. Sorry."

"Son of a…" he quickly pulled out a walkie-talkie and started yelling into it. "I need an APB on somebody going by the alias Wolfgang Von Genocide." A crackled response soon came back in surprise. "Yes, he really calls himself that. No, I don't know why."

"Er, perhaps I might help?" Larch offered. "I have extensive experience, and I can provide a description."

"Larch!" Ralph cried, as he and the others came running down after him. "What are you doing? What about the flight?"

"I think the safety of society is a bit more important than us leaving right away for Unova, Ralph!" Larch objected. "He cannot possibly get away with the entire Goldenrod police force on our side!"

The sudden scream of an airplane's engines interrupted them, as a large jet flew directly overhead at incredible heights.

"I think that was the flight," the head officer stated. "Unless you learn how to fly, you're not getting on that."

"And when does the next flight to Unova leave?"

"Tomorrow morning, I think. You'll be stuck here for a while."

"See? I might as well help them out, we will be unable to make any progress for some time."

"Fine, sure, whatever," Jack said. "I'll go and get the tickets while you play policeman."

"Is he always like that?" asked the officer.

"It depends, really. Jack, would you mind acting a bit more…nice?"

"Whatever," Jack said, before walking off.

"Why did that Zoroark have a hat?" somebody wondered.

"He is strange like that," Larch noted. "Come, I shall tell you everything I know."

"All right." The head officer looked up at the station and began shouting. "You're free to go! We'll be inspecting the train to make sure there aren't any bombs on board, but you can carry on."

The people above glanced at each other worriedly, and made haste off the platform, soon leaving it completely empty.

"They seem to be an efficient lot," Larch noted. "Come, what do you need to know?"

"Uh…" the officer said, scratching his head. "Should I tell you my name or something first, so…"

"That could be potentially helpful, yes," Larch agreed.

"Okay, then, I'm Steve."

Steve, as Larch now knew, held out his hand, clearly requesting a handshake. Larch gladly took the offer and smiled. "And you may call me Berkeley, but you probably already knew that. Now, as I was saying, Steve, what information do you require? I can tell you almost anything you need to know about this person."

As Steve and Larch exchanged questions and answers and several bomb squad members entered the station to ensure there were no further dangers, two other officers below exchanged looks before chuckling lightly to each other.

"That guy talks like an asshole," one of them said.

"This guy's the big rival to Theophilus von Douchebag or whatever his name is?" the other wondered. "Why is anybody afraid of this guy, again?"

"…And I believe he has some manner of cloaking suit that allows him to appear perfectly invisible, at least in the right conditions…" Larch explained, which was well heard by both officers previous.

"He's invisible?" asked the first. "How the hell did he get his hands on that tech? That's still in testing, isn't it?"

"Maybe he stole it?" suggested the second. "The question is, how?"

"He has numerous skills helpful in doing so, and could probably manage it with ease!" Larch proclaimed. "It is remarkable technology, is it not? Amazing what we can do these days, really. Anyway, as I was saying, he has extensive knowledge of martial arts and seems to have an affinity for smoke grenades…"

The two officers gave pause, now considering their foe in a new light.

"This guy sounds like serious business. I guess he won't be some pushover after all."

"Yeah, we shouldn't have underestimated him. This Larch guy still talks like an asshole, though."

"I know, right? Did he drop in from the nineteenth century or what?"

"Stop insulting the consultant!" cried Steve in anger. "He is a perfectly respectable gentleman and will likely be a great asset to us!"

"What?" Larch wondered. "Where did that come from? Who is insulting me?"

Steve sighed in exasperation. "Never mind. What were you saying?"

"Well, in terms of his Pokémon…"

()()()

Many hours later, after Jack had proactively acquired a nice hotel for the group (and ensuring that Clive Warren was not anywhere near the premises for his show) and Larch finished giving all his knowledge of Wolfgang to the authorities, an offering that was well-received indeed, the man himself arrived in the outskirts of the city. When the beaten-up, rather pathetic looking truck now on its last legs after getting pushed to its absolute limit of about fifty miles per hour for several hours straight, arrived within the city, few people gave it second thought, instead choosing to ignore it in hopes that the hideous racket emanating from it would leave quickly.

Luckily for the populace, the noise did cease, as the truck simply died in the middle of the street with more of a whimper than a bang, thick smoke pouring out of the now-ruined engine.

"Damn it all!" Wolfgang cried, striking the steering wheel and producing a rather weak honk. A loud clang signaled him that something had gone even worse, and he exited the truck to look under, silently recalling the wise choice of removing the suit while in the city in favor of regular civilian clothes. Indeed, he found that the engine had actually fallen out entirely, and was now lying on the asphalt, a sad, non-functioning wad of metal that had long since given up.

"Oh, great, there goes my engine!" Wolfgang yelled. "Not like I needed that, anyway!"

"Hey, you need help, man?" someone asked, running over to his ruined vehicle.

"I doubt anything you could do could fix this catastrophe!" Wolfgang yelled. "Look at this! The engine fell out, how could anybody repair this?"

"Well, those mechanics are pretty good, you know…"

"Never mind, thank you for the offer, but I think that I shall continue on foot." Wolfgang walked away, leaving the truck and the man standing there in confusion.

"Wait, are you just gonna…" he cried after him, pointing to the truck. Wolfgang, however, showed absolutely no interest in it whatsoever, instead running off and hoping nobody would recognize him, even with his disguise. "Hey, you can't leave a dead truck in the middle of the road! What are you doing?!"

Wolfgang turned the corner, leaving any further objection a waste of time. The man groaned, and pulled out his cell phone, quickly dialing for the police. "Hello? Goldenrod Police Department? Yeah, some guy pulled up into the street with a truck and just left it there in the road. The engine fell out and…" The operator on the other end quickly interrupted with a question, which he gladly answered.

"Yeah, I'm just at the end of 34th street, near Hawsling. You'll probably recognize the dead truck. The driver was white, black hair, wearing…uh, blue jeans and a wifebeater, I'm not sure what was up with that. He talked like an asshole, too, really proper and all that." The operator confirmed the description, and told him that would be all. "Thank you, hopefully you'll get this guy." He hung up, sighing to himself as he observed the blatant obstruction. "Weird."

()()()

"Bloody goddamn train station…" Wolfgang muttered as he drew near it. By this time, the train had already been turned upside-down by the police, and after finding nothing suspicious aboard it, they allowed it to continue operations, and it was now boarding numerous passengers. Several police were still in the area, of course, so Wolfgang could only hope none would recognize him in the crowd and he could ask his questions in peace.

"Say!" he said in his "normal" voice, tapping a woman in incredibly modern business clothing on the shoulder. She turned to him, surprised. "Have you seen a Zoroark in a hat recently near here?"

"Uh, actually, I did see something like that just a little bit ago…"

"Great! Where did he go?"

"I think he was heading for the airport with his trainer, but…why do you care?"

"I was supposed to be with them, but I got lost. Thanks!"

Wolfgang left the rather confused woman and ran off, but in the slow-moving crowd of people waiting to get on, this merely drew excessive attention to him, specifically, attention from the two officers who were earlier mocking Larch and were now stuck there.

"Hey, he matches that description of the wrecked truck guy!" one of them cried. "What's he in a hurry for?"

"Hold on," the other one said. "That looks like…Wolfgang, doesn't it? From that Larch guy's description?"

"Son of a bitch, that's him. They always return to the scene of the crime. Hey!" He drew his gun, as did the other, and they both gave chase, Wolfgang soon realizing his mistake as he ran even harder through the crowd, finding it difficult to get through. "Stop right there, you're under arrest!"

A few people within the crowd screamed in terror, several more ducking down, making Wolfgang even more obvious.

"Damn it, I have made a severe error!" he yelled.

"GPD, GPD," proclaimed one of the officers into his walkie-talkie as the other gave chase, "this is Lieutenant Kenneth Bridgeman, reporting from the Magnet Train, I have located suspect Wolfgang von Genocide attempting to run from the location, heading north. Lieutenant Fitzgibbons is following after him, I am requesting backup immediately!"

He then signed off, joining Fitzgibbons in the chase, while a number of police sirens approached, louder and louder…

()()()

Larch was quite impressed with the hotel room that Jack had acquired; although it couldn't compare with the room they had in Unova at the invitation of the president himself (and honestly, little probably could do so anyway), it was still fairly nice, and had room enough for all of them, so they wouldn't be tearing at each other's throats over who would have to sleep on the floor.

It had all the basic amenities for a suite of its size; a small bar-kitchen, a decent television that Slick was watching some cop show on, and a small balcony that Anne was looking out from.

"Damn, it feels nice to relax for once," Jack said, sitting down next to Slick. "And the best part is, we don't even need to unpack, because Berkeley has everything in that thing of his!"

"You are welcome!" Larch cried from inside the main bedroom as he removed everything necessary from the Carrying Case. "This will revolutionize travel!"

"I'm sure it will," Jack said. "It's certainly revolutionized this."

"Will you two shut up?" Slick demanded, turning the volume up on the remote. "I'm trying to watch this, and you're not helping." He grew more intent in the show, crying out in rage as they made an accusation of who the murderer was. "Come on, he's not the guy! It's obviously the wife of the guy he robbed!"

"Why the hell would she do that?" Jack wondered.

"Well, I don't know, but she's the only major character they haven't accused yet, and there's like, thirty minutes left in the show, so it has to be her. Logical deduction, simple."

"Yeah, I don't think that's what that is," Jack objected.

"Then I guess I'm just smarter than—" Slick's insult was cut short by the sound of police sirens wailing through the air, their piercing, high-pitched shrieks immediately known to all in the area.

"What the hell?" Jack asked. "Where'd that come from?"

"Wow, a police chase!" Anne yelled, leaning in over the balcony.

"A police chase?" Larch yelled, running in from the other room and looking outside. He saw that, true to Anne's word, numerous police cars and SWAT trucks were heading down the street at a target that was out of their sight, but all of them figured who would be such an important target.

"Son of a bitch, it's Wolfgang," Jack said. "It must be. Why else would they go all full-force like that?"

"They seem very intent on catching him now," Larch noted. "Perhaps we will finally be rid of him."

"Perhaps I can finally WATCH MY SHOW!" Slick yelled. "See, he was innocent. Good job, dumbasses, now she's getting away!"

"Don't these people ever figure out that the first two people they accuse are always innocent?" Jack wondered.

"Yeah, and that they'll probably end up murdered too," Slick continued. "Guy got lucky this week, though."

"You two seem remarkably uninterested in our greatest enemy finally getting caught," Larch said.

"Hey, I'm trying to relax and not think about the crazy guy that wants to kill all of us," Slick countered. "Besides, this is, what, the third time the authorities have tried to catch this guy, now? It gets old after a while."

"Surely these cop shows get old as well."

"It's consistent," Jack noted. "It doesn't try to pull anything out of left field. It's comforting, you know."

"If you say so. I have no interest in that sort of thing."

"Whatever you say, man." Jack turned back to the television as the police sirens faded out in the distance. Although they all knew Wolfgang was giving quite a chase, they hoped that this time he would be so tired out that the police could catch and incarcerate him at last…

()()()

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" Wolfgang cried. He was like a machine, almost, easily running through crowds and over obstacles, but even with this advantage, he could not hope to outrun a whole force of Goldenrod's finest officers, at least, not forever. They were inching ever closer to him, their superior speed just waiting for him to make some mistake in his terror. Luckily for them, he made a significant tactical error, thinking it would be what would save him.

This choice was to run inside of an alley just narrow enough that none of the cars chasing after him could possibly fit. A ladder leading up the side of an apartment building allowed him to put even more space between the two by getting onto the roof, and as far as he knew, he was home free.

"Ha-ha!" he cried triumphantly, raising his fists to the sky. "Wolfgang Von Genocide emerges triumphant once more! All shall tremble in fear when I take my revenge against those who have ruined me before! I shall…what?"

Upon hearing a very particular noise, the noise of a helicopter approaching him, he knew his triumph was cut short. He moved his hands from their high position and instead moved them to signal his surrender. Alas, given all his tricks in the past, nobody in the helicopter believed he was being genuine, and a quickly thrown tear gas canister brought him down, allowing the helicopter to hover above and drop several people down to catch him.

"No…" he choked out between coughs. "I…lost…"

Just a few hours later, Wolfgang was in prison, and this time, he had no intention of getting out. He knew he had lost, and that his quest for revenge was a failure from the very start. All of his remaining gadgets were confiscated, his truck and invisible suit recovered, and now he had nothing.

When a guard came along to hand him a phone, he knew exactly who it would be, and why they were so intent.

Wolfgang took the phone, not even bothering to ask who it was from, and held it up to his ear, whispering "Hello?"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" the man on the other end cried. "You got caught? How?! You were invisible, you idiot! How do you get caught when you're invisible?"

"I was not invisible at that time. When you are clearly seen, it becomes trivially simple for the enemy to capture you."

"Why weren't you wearing it?"

"I was in a city, it would be so obvious at first that it would be pointless to keep it on. Camouflage, you know. Surely you recognize its value?"

"You had everything! We gave you all our most advanced technology and this is what you do with it? Attract the attention of an entire police force and get your ass kicked?"

"Ignoring your crude language, I do confess I have now lost any interest in helping this little plan of yours. Frankly, the last several years of my life have been a waste, all thanks to this bizarre obsession of mine, and you fed into that. I might go so far as to compare you with a drug dealer."

Wolfgang drew the phone away as the man continued yelling, but when he suddenly stopped, Wolfgang grew curious and put it back. He heard nothing more from it, shrugged, and gave it back to the guard.

"Thank you for that, sir," he said, not a hint of falsity present. The guard raised an eyebrow and simply walked away, leaving Wolfgang to consider his situation.

"Well, I will probably be here for quite some time," he muttered to himself, observing his new surroundings, which were indeed quite familiar. "Perhaps I might get out early on good behavior if I am lucky. Could help me get back on track, at the very least."

He considered how he would spend what was sure to be a very, very long time alone, and if that man would bother helping him out or shortening the sentence somehow, or even extradite him to a nicer prison. That led him to consider what exactly happened on the phone, and why he had so rudely hung up on him. That, however, was not relevant at the moment, so he chose to simply take a rest, the first he had had in a very long while.

()()()

"You had everything!" cried the man sitting in the swivel chair, now using a cell phone in lieu of the com-unit he had given Wolfgang. "We gave you all our most advanced technology and this is what you do with it? Attract the attention of an entire police force and get your ass kicked?"

Upon hearing Wolfgang's rather insulting reply, wherein he dared to compare him to a drug dealer, he lost it, and began yelling into the phone in the hope that Wolfgang would get his head out of his ass and start accomplishing things so his plan could come to fruition.

"You idiot! I'm not a drug dealer, I gave you everything you asked for and then some, and all I needed back was one little favor that you told me you could do in a couple days, and now, a couple days later, you're in a prison cell in some backwards-ass foreign country waiting for me to bail you out! Well, guess what, Wolfgang, or whatever your real name is, I'm not going for it! You're an idiot, and now, you're gonna suffer the consequences! Welcome to the real world, jackass! Maybe you should have paid some attention and thought ahead, and you wouldn't have gotten caught like an idiot!"

A pounding on the door interrupted his spiel, and he angrily set the phone down on his console and got up.

"Who the hell is that?" he demanded, pushing his chair away.

"I don't know, sir," answered the intern, "we weren't supposed to get anybody in here today."

"Well, I'll just remind them of that, then!" he yelled, storming to the door. He opened it, and recoiled when he saw numerous operatives pointing assault rifles directly at him, as well as some sort of government investigator.

"What the hell?" he yelled, falling to the floor. Several of the operatives moved in and restrained him, the rest keeping their weapons trained. "What is this? Who are you? What's going on?"

"Special Agent Phillip Bergman," the investigator answered, pulling out a wallet and revealing his numerous licenses and ID cards. "We found out about your little plot and we've been waiting to catch you until your little attack dog got incarcerated."

"That's impossible! How could you have found out?!"

"Sorry, boss," said the intern, prompting him to turn around. He soon saw that he was holding some manner of device that he recognized as a bug.

"You son of a bitch!" he cried, trying to writhe out of the grasp he was in. "You were listening in this whole goddamn time, weren't you?"

"Of course we were," said Bergman. "And let me tell you, this is some very interesting stuff we've got here. Of course, voice recordings aren't directly admissible in court, but we will still have the testimonies from that 'intern' over there, as well as your extensive documentation of the plan…"

"Wait, seriously?" asked the intern. "You wrote down the whole thing? All of it?"

"I have a bad memory, okay!"

"Anyway," Bergman interrupted, "We'll be getting you on counts of conspiracy, international espionage, misuse of government resources, attempted murder by proxy, as well as all the crimes you've committed beforehand."

"You can't do this! I'm a high-ranking government official, I'm untouchable!"

"Not anymore. Your status as head of this little secret organization has been dissolved, along with the entire organization itself."

The man slumped, giving up his efforts to break free. "But…but…"

"Frankly, it was outdated anyway, and given that you were in charge of it, just dead weight. And did you really think that nobody would have found the pretenses under which they died suspicious at all? This plan was an embarrassment!"

"S-shut up!"

"Take him away, boys," Bergman commanded, at which the agents did so. "I hope you like your maximum-security prison cell, because you're going to be seeing a lot of it!"

"Wow, he certainly fell hard," the intern noted. "I wasn't expecting it to be that effective."

"Sometimes you get lucky on that front," Bergman noted. "Come on, let's go get a coffee, on me."

"Are you sure he won't escape?"

From down the hall, they heard him yelling something incoherent, before they heard a loud thump and him screaming "OW!"

"I'm pretty sure he's fine. You want mocha or espresso?"

"Espresso, please, I can't stand mocha."

()()()

Late the next morning, while Larch, Jack, Ralph, Anne, and Slick (in disguise again, of course) were getting on the plane to Unova, Reginald, the official groundskeeper of the Larch estate, walked outside onto the fine gravel driveway to pick up the newspaper. He couldn't help but to observe the front page, and blanched when he saw it: KANTO LOCAL FOILS SECRET SCHEME.

As he read on, he discovered that, indeed, Wolfgang had been stopped once more and taken to prison, where he pledged to testify against the man who put him up to it, the head of some tiny, obscure government organization that most had forgotten about. Larch himself, the article claimed, was unavailable for comment at the time, but the story had still grown like wildfire even without his input, and Reginald guessed that most news outlets would be making up their own theories about it in their own time.

"Hey, Rembrandt!" he cried, waving the paper in the air as he ran back into the house. "You've gotta see what he did this time!"


End file.
